"Stone Cold" Steve Austin teaches the finer points of properly double-chugging beers
Aux Features Stone Cold Steve Austin
Yesterday Amanda Ruller, whom Twitter describes as an “athlete and influencer,” posted a photo of herself chugging two beers next to a photo of the greatest to ever do it, retired wrestler “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. Alongside the photos was a question she should already have known the answer to: “Who did it better?”
It wasn’t long before Ruller heard the sound of glass shattering, heralding the Texas Rattlesnake’s slow walk into the ring of public discussion. Fortunately for Ruller, Stone Cold was in a positive mood.
“Almost textbook form. Almost,” he replied. “Both arms need to be extended or straightened about 6 degrees. Although I do not have a degree in kinesiology or biomechanics, I am considered a worldwide expert in all things beer related. In particular, drinking. Keep up the good work.”
Now, here’s the point where some of you might point out that Stone Cold’s beer chugging technique involves, well, some waste. Fair point.
But what you’re not remembering is this: Stone Cold Steve Austin was the greatest pro-wrestler of his era and maybe of all time. He had the best, most iconic finishing move at a time when finishers were still treated as finishers you didn’t come back from. He had a designated guy to throw beers at him. He kicked Booker T’s ass in a damn grocery store while he enjoyed a cold one. Our dumb president thought he killed Vince McMahon. He cut what surely is the greatest ever promo to be cut about making a run to the liquor store.
So, when Stone Cold Steve Austin says he’s the best at chugging beers, that’s the bottom line. Why? ‘Cause Stone Cold said so, you son of a bitch.
29 Comments
This probably makes him even more Eleanor Shellstrop’s dream man, and fair enough
He’s one of the characters that’s being introduced into The Good Place’s test. Eleanor will have to choose.
Nice Good Place pull!!
Is this the first in a series of fawning articles about men who’ve been arrested for domestic abuse?
Yeah, and the rest of them are over on Deadspin.
Well they do cover football.
Explaining jokes makes them funny.
His podcast is hilarious, but truthfully, the man is a scumbag.Not surprising he’s a Trump supporter
There’s also that time he went off about flies on his podcast that sounded like a promo.
I love Stone Cold, but that What! shit was stupid.
And it still goes on to this day, making it near impossible for a wrestler to deliver a good promo.
Shortly after Austin left in the early 00’s, there was an episode of RAW where the crowd kept yelling “What?” at Triple H while he was monologuing, and Trips was like “HE DOESN’T EVEN WORK HERE ANYMORE” which made them just yell it louder. Say what you will, but the end result was pretty funny.
It was annoying, but so were a lot of wrestling fans at the time.
I Am Him and He Is Me
It’s so weird that none of the abuse/assault allegations against Stone Cold have hurt him at all. It’s like the Wrasslin’ Redneck persona was so effective that people just assumed he was like that anyway so they don’t care.
one of my favorite stone cold segments from monday night raw—when vince was admitted into a hospital and stone cold dressed as a nurse, sneak attacked vince and hit him in the head with a bedpan.i laugh just thinking about the entire sequence in my mind.
I’m starting to consider that wrestling might be, well, kinda stupid.
Triple H married Stephanie McMahon by drugging her, driving her through a chapel in Las Vegas, and using bad ventriloquism to make it seem like she said yes. Now they’ve been happily married for 15 years with 3 kids. Can’t fake that.
WRESTLING THINKS YOU’RE KINDA STUPID
My favorite Stone Cold promo is the one where he pulled a mixer into the parking garage and filled Vince’s car with wet cement.
My favorite is when he stole the Rock’s IC belt and tossed it over a bridge. A friend of mine’s dad came into the room, saw us watching wrestling, and said, “Wrestling’s stupid.” He saw that promo and became a fan.
Stone Cold stealing a Zamboni and driving it into the arena while chugging beers is the greatest thing to ever happen on TV.
He spilled more beer than he actually drank.
If we’re being honest, while he’s double fisting, ol Stone Cold is drinking like 10% of each beer max. Just sayin
DDP’s Diamond Cutter was a better finisher
ALCOHOL! LMFAO! Whatever backwards ass people think it’s still cool to glorify alcohol? What a fucking neanderthal.
Did he also share his pointers on avoiding jail time for domestic abuse?
If I had been asked “What nation does this girl who called out Stone Cold Steve Austin regarding beer chugging technique hail from?” there would only have been one answer.Of COURSE she’s part of Rider Nation.