There’s perhaps nothing funnier about the modern-day American conservative than its obsession with a perceived death of “masculinity.” You’ve got guys that look like Seb Gorka crying about Arthur cartoons while urging men to carry axes around on the backs like when we were kids. But, hey, that kind of bottom-feeding helps these guys sell their brain pills so whenever they need a slam-dunk they’ll just fire off a tweet with a photo of John Wayne next to a drag queen and call it a day. Or, if you’re Adam Carolla, apparently, you pull the Trump-limply-holds-up-a-Bible approach and fart out this:
Carolla, the Man Show host-turned-“safe space”-decrier whose new thing is calling people “pussy’s” for caring about a global pandemic, drummed up this humdinger more than two weeks ago, but it resurfaced last night after renewed outcry over his garbage COVID-19 takes. And, while everyone seemed to understand what Carolla was trying to do here—imply men aren’t as manly as they used to be—they remained deeply puzzled by the way in which he sought to do it.
Bracelets? Does that include watches? FitBits? And what kind of stews? Meat stews? He knows you can make soy stews, right? He knows you can eat stew while wearing a bracelet, right? What is this joke? Why is there a space after bracelets? Was he workshopping different punchlines?
Of course, the tweet’s chaotic randomness became a joke unto itself.
Which then escalated into gleeful roleplaying:
Which then turned into dunks on Carolla himself:
And future Etsy purchases:
And, ultimately, appreciation:
Carolla hasn’t deleted the tweet and it doesn’t seem like he will, which, hey, respect. His only response, however, was to one of the tamer tweets to flood his mentions. “True fact, I’m having stew for dinner tonight! Gonna get so manly!” wrote one user.
“Enjoy,” Carolla responded.
We did.
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198 Comments
I sense a meme randomizer opportunity.
Wouldn’t that require two throws at two different dart boards? Still a good idea though, double the dartboard and dart sales!
Just wanted to let you know I read that in Doofenshmirtz’s voice. Keep up the good work
No mention of the fact that the best tweet cited here, by Ken Tremendous, is in fact by Michael Schur, creator of The Good Place and Brooklyn Nine-Nine?
Why is Mike Schur’s twitter handle “MrEmilyHeller”?
Best tweet ? The joe joegan one made me laugh to tears.I’m a horrible nerd. My two longest laughs this week have been this, and the “black” Storm’s face in that Avengers game.
Ron Swanson wouldn’t give a fuck about bracelets OR stew. The broth and vegetables just get in the way of the meat.
Nah, I think “stew” is one of the approved Ron Swanson food groups, along with steak, jerky, butter, and gravy.
And how you shouldn’t wear loose clothing around saws, but that’s a bit more safety related than fashion.
It turns out Chidi’s Bad Place is being forced to choose between eating a bowl of stew or wearing a bracelet. He knows the choice is incredibly important, but has no significant data on which to decide which outcome is morally better.
And now he has a stomach ache.
thanks for pointing this out. Goddamn I love this guy’s tweets. He is a genius.
He’s just at your level…
I’d like to see the raw data on this.
I can’t get you the raw data, but we can see about data simmered low for 8 to 12 hours.
Long before that is done, my spicy tofu stew would be ready.
And there’s even little bracelets floating around in it!
i prefer my tofu to be loud
it was a good joke. the universally lame responses by bemused r-words just proves his point.
So there’s no difference between people laughing at you and laughing with you? I beg to differ.
nothing says “I am a dickhead named Paul” better than the phrase “bemused r-words”
Renal transplant surgeons? Yeah, they do have lame takes.
Whoa them’s fightin’ words, surprised you had the nephrons to say that
republicans?
Rapscallions?
Riggers.Those that deal with ropes and sails are famously sub-par males
Hey, you can’t use that word unless you’re a Rope Using American.
ragamuffins
radioactive hamsters?
what the fuck man not coolit’s 2020
There’s nothing not cool about radioactive hamsters, you racist.
say that to your soon-devoured entrails
I, for one, welcome our new radioactive hamster overlords.
Where? I need them as illustration references for this new kid friendly cartoon show/toy franchise I’m working on.
Can you explain what the joke is here? I genuinely don’t understand what this is supposed to be, unless it’s a weird parody of fragile masculinity
Duh, it’s meta commentary on the cyclical nature of masculinity. Pirate times: all bracelets, no stew.Cowboy times: all stew, no bracelets. Today: mostly bracelets, very little stew
Tomorrow? Perhaps anklets and gazpacho. Who can say for sure.
kill yourself
It’s an obvious light-hearted joke AC is making that all these dum-dums think he didn’t get it, I mean his own joke, and they barely understood it so now they think they are clever? Is that about the summation? How exhausting, it really is two different realities.
Rhode Islanders?
Can’t be. They’re all about the calamari, apparently.
Ronald Reagans?
bemused r-words
It was a bad joke, but it was it was also a bad AV Club article talking about exactly about one tweet, and only that subject.Happy?
Yeah, it was a pretty good joke. I think the AV Club might be reading a bit too much into this.
I’m going to have to challenge you on your usage of the words “good”, “joke” and “point”.
Replicants?
Shut up, Paul. You probably love your mother-in-law.
Paul has no good AVClub ideas.
Stinky!
Well I do appreciate the attempt to bring back Dadaism.
LOL this bracelet wearer won’t even use the full word.
LOL this bracelet wearer won’t even use the full word.
What r-word? Rapscallions?
You all make fun, but this guy truly saw into my soul, and now I’m too ashamed to look in the mirror at my girly, stew-less face.
To read Paul’s comment it is to have yourself taken apart, undone, touched at the place of your own girly, stew-less essence; it is to be turned back, as if after a long absence, into a bemused r-word.
Rhododendron forest over dusty years?
You do understand that a joke is supposed to be funny, right? Please explain what’s funny about this “joke”. I have to confess the humor eludes me.
Joke?
r-words
LOLOLOL (at you, not with you)
Let me guess – you peaked in 4th grade, when you were able to tease the mentally challenged with zero repercussions.
You know who’s not having trouble getting a stew going, baby?………………..You guessed it, Frank Stallone.
This is some classic AV Club commentariat.
I’m not so sure. He is a known bracelet-wearer, afterall.
FAKE NEWS!!! Frank never wore a bracelet!(Runs away sobbing)
If right-wing actors and entertainers are actually being ostracized by Hollywood, Carolla is a great reason why that’s not a bad thing. If I were an actor, say an actor who had COVID or knew someone who was harmed by it, would I want to work with this guy? Hell no. Same if I liked making stews and/or bracelets.
The persecution of right-wingers is just quality control to everyone else.
Sturgeon’s Law: ExistsUnfunny choads: I’m being persecuted!
Stewrgeon’s Law?
sorry…
you mean half of the country is hoping for an implementation of thought policing on the other half?
Reductio ad absurdum
Is a reduction a stew though, really?
Calling idiots idiots is not thought policing, idiot.
I’m assuming the half of the country hoping for thought policing you’re talking about is the one who’s leader thinks SNL making fun of the president is probably illegal and frequently attacks the abstract concept of journalism outside of state-approved propaganda.
Well yeah. I bet you said this while wearing your girly liddle bracelet. I just bet that you’re stew-intolerant!
“half”
Heck, forget COVID. Imagine going up to someone dying of ebola or cancer and calling them a pussy. That’s basically what Adam Carolla did.
Except that’s not at all what he said. He just pointed out what the fact that most people are dying from Covid-19 are old or have health conditions. Your reading comprehension sucks.
Exactly. You don’t have to be particularly smart to realize that calling a victim of a disease (much less a bad one) a “pussy” won’t win you any friends.
The next day The Rock announced that he and his family tested positive and implored his fans to wear masks. Perhaps Corrolla would like to prove his stew eating credentials by calling The Rock a pussy to his face?
Think of the first right-wing entertainer that comes to mind. He’s terrible at his job, right? Independent of politics, whether it’s Dennis Miller or Kid Rock, it’s probably somewhere between baffling and infuriating that this guy has a career.
Like that gun-toting couple speaking at the RNC, there’s a whole cottage of industry of people who have achieved nothing meaningful or good building a fanbase around whining at liberals for noticing that they suck.
I think Miller used to be funny.
Yeah, Dennis Miller shit the bed on 9/11 and sold his soul to the right.
Much like another famous Miller whose work took a nose dive post-9/11 (okay, I’ll be fair – Frank was always pretty right wing/reactionary, but GodDAMN, after 9/11 he was never the same.)
He turned right faster than the Greek navy destroying the Persians at the battle of Mycale, Amiright? (waits for laughs)
Americans are forced to be tolerant of all others, regardless of race, religion sexual id. But this is not a healthy thing, we MUST have some group to be pissed at and to throw our collective hate towards. Hence, right-wing republicans: if you see one enter your eating establishment, you can spit on them until they leave. “We don’t serve your kind here”. If you live next door to a Republican, TP their house. Its ok. right?
Everything I’ve heard about him says he’s a lazy guy when it comes to his career. Clearly he’s found his niche, lame ‘real men be like dis’ schtick.
Who the fuck eats stew in the summer anyway? Does he have a chain of stew bars doing badly?
COVID isn’t the only raging pandemic. Trump’s right wing dementia seems to be contagious. Who’s next, Dennis Miller?
Um, sit down a second. We should have a little talk.
“Babe, he’s so nutty he would give Mr. Peanut anaphlaxis, ok? I mean, this cat has so many nuts rolling around up there he makes Lance Armstrong look like George Washington Carver, amirite?” I’d imitate Dennis Miller some more, but I can’t figure out a good way to bring up Oingo Boingo in this context.
I always thought that Dennis Miller’s voice sounded like a bad impression of Billy Crystal doing his Sammy Davis Jr. impression.
Every time I try to think about Dennis Miller I end up remembering Dana Carvey doing his Dennis Miller impression instead
For me, it always gets supplanted by the impression by Michael Brooks (RIP).
Dennis Miller caught the right-wing dementia decades ago. It’s a shame. He was truly hilarious at his peak, unlike Carolla.
Seriously, conservative ideology will swiss-cheese your brain more effectively than any prion. We need to raise the awareness of Elephantine Spongiform Encephalopathy.
Oh, Dennis Miller lost his mind years ago.
I immediately find 100 pictures of Ted Nugent wearing bracelets, or maybe they’re MAN BANDS: http://media.gettyimages.com/photos/rock-guitarist-ted-nugent-performs-before-300000-fans-at-the-1979-picture-id57580015?s=594×594&w=125
I was going to point out that when you google “Ted Nugent eating stew” you get no results, and I was going to point out that you proved Carolla’s point, and then sign off with “Sincerely, the dumbest man on earth”. Instead, I got curious, actually googled “Ted Nugent eating stew”, and the first result, I shit you not, was for “Ted Nugent’s Coca-Cola stew”.I no longer feel like calling myself the dumbest man on earth.
oh don’t sell yourself short 🙂
“I don’t know what side to take.” ~ Stewart Bracelet
But what if the stew if vegetarian and the bracelet is studded with sharpened spikes? Huh? Huh? Think about that!
Then both probably belong to some lefty-ass crustpunk.
I’m a simple man; I see Zoidberg and I click the star.
(Hint: it’s not Adam Carolla)
Point of order: does one eat stew or sip/drink it?
You eat it. Just like a hot dog sandwich.
A HOT DOG IS A UNIQUE PREPARATION OF FOOD AND NO MORE A SANDWICH THAN A BURRITO OR GYRO IS A SANDWICH. Oh God, it’s happening again…
you SUP a stew.
You eat it. If it’s smooth enough to drink, it’s a soup.
You fuck it, like a proud, non-bracelet-wearing man.
You fuck it, and then you serve it to all your manly, non-bracelet wearing friends, and they prove their manliness by gulping it down to the last manly drop.
No sipping, God no.
As someone who used to listen to his podcast daily, I can’t decide if hes pulled very far right or I’ve pulled very far left as I’ve gotten older. Probably a bit of both.
I minor distinction, but i think it’s more likely you were not pulled to the left, but PUSHED to the left. I used to be fairly middle-right in most things, now I would be considered a radical leftist, even though I’ve mostly been standing in the same spot.
He’s stroked very hard incoherent
He’s definitely gone hard right.Feels like a combination of salt over people being mean to him re: the man show and just general old guy getting crotchety in his old age.
He’s gone from a socially liberal, fiscally conservative-leaning, know little/interested in less goofball to a loud & proud “libertarian” ignoramus who thinks he’s a genius. He’s a rarity among wealthy, conservative idiots in that he do well without any sort of familial advantage. Any goodwill one might be inclined to credit him with is negated by his longstanding insistence that simply because he grew up poor, with shitty parents, he has never experienced white privilege, and therefore, it doesn’t exist.
Yeah I used to listen to Loveline on the radio religiously and he was much more middle-of-the road, telling great stories of growing up working class with negligent parents in the Valley or working blue collar in construction etc. Politics never really entered into it though I’m sure there was a lot of anti-PC commentary I missed. But he was just sharp as it gets about relationships (at least, stupid teenager relationships) and human nature. I’m just totally revolted with him now…
He made a movie with Dennis Prager; It’s not just you.
As someone in an identical predicament, I know the answer in my case is: yes.
It’s pretty clear why Jimmy Kimmel cut him off faster than a tumor.
Yeah I’m sure including the people who eat soy stew is really going to tilt the numbers.
(gestures vaguely at billions of tofu eaters)
The tweet did say American males
Sounds like just more horse shit from Big Stew
I wear two bracelets and eat stew all damned day. Son! All damn day!
How is stew more manly anyway? It’s basically pre-chewed food – is Corolla too much of a wuss to chew his own food?Actually, I say that and then look at his “jaw” in the header photo. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he is too weak to chew his own food.
What do you want to bet Adam Carolla is the type of guy to wear a super expensive ugly watch on this wrist and not realize that is just a bracelet with a clock in the middle.
“Adam spends $6k on a watch. Wears it upside down.”
https://www.reddit.com/r/AdamCarolla/comments/2ldoej/adam_spends_6k_on_a_watch_wears_it_upside_down_%E0%B2%A0_%E0%B2%A0/
Remind me of a news article I heard about how millennials and Gen Z are buying broken watches because they wear them for style and don’t care if they work. As someone who only wears a watch as a nice fashion accessories I get that but I also can’t see also not wearing one that works because it just seems silly otherwise
It turns out that the real bracelet was the stew we ate along the way
Well I wear a bracelet made of bouillon cubes, just in case I want to get a stew started, so i don’t know what the fuck Carolla is talking about.
“Tradition is why we have the Carollavirus today”—Tom Scharpling, March 2020
This “joke” from him is just fucking dumb. But if I picture Norm McDonald typing the same thing? It’s hilarious.
I think it’s the difference in knowing one is joking while the other is sincere, or at least has negative intentions
“Why’d you laugh at Norm Mcdonald’s version?”“The light was on.”
I like bracelets and stew. Am I one of . . . THEM?!
You’re bistewual.
as well as braceledexterous.
I get the inference. That there is an emasculation of men in general and he is using a playful stereotype to prove a point. He is a comedian so his banter is half comedy tongue in cheek and half observation. The best comedy is based on real-life experiences and he is using his lens for it. At one time, masculinity was praised, and now cursed. Not to be confused with dominion, but I mean chivalry. All have been lumped together as misogyny at the expense/death of yesterday’s manly man mythos.
So… should I throw out this bracelet stew I made or what?
Send it to Joe Rogan, as long as it’s made from bracelets that you hunted & killed yourself. He’ll eat it, or fuck it, probably.
I usually wear stew and eat bracelets. What does that make me?What am I?
A statistical anomaly.
Thank you. Now, if you’ll excuse me…(Covers self in stew)
Surely it’s a coincidence that most entertainers only seem to embrace conservatism somewhere between the ‘nearly on the skids’ and ‘ten years a D-lister’ phases of their careers.(Here for the ‘…and don’t call me Shirley’ replies.)
The thing is, Carolla has always been a successful radio/podcast personality, and is clearly comfortable with that. I think what’s happened to him is his brain got borked over the talk about responsibility in comedy- he rails on about PC culture like it’s a resurgence of the Tipper Gore era, and has only gone downhill from that. The dumb fucker even co-hosted a documentary with Dennis Prager, a guy funded by Koch to say the dumbest shit you can imagine.
Fair. Though I’d still say that Adam Carolla is definitely in the ballpark of ‘ten years a D-lister’. I mean, really, how often do you hear his name brought up? And on the rare occasion he does make headlines, when isn’t it for saying dumb shit? (Essentially, if he didn’t periodically say something stupid, realistically, how many years would it have been since we last heard from Adam Carolla in any capacity?)
I think his podcast has a pretty large audience, and if I remember correctly he was the one who spearheaded the movement against that patent troll that was trying to (is still trying to? I haven’t heard about it in a while) extort money out of basically every podcaster because 40 years ago he had the idea to send cassette tapes to people.
I am pretty disgusted by the troll Carolla became (I really liked the Loveline radio show in the 90s, he was great on that) but he’s no D-Lister. His podcast is pretty damn successful and lucrative and he has a nice little mini-media empire carved out for himself… He’s only a failure if you have the old mentality that if it’s not on broadcast tv or radio it doesn’t exist.
This is a bit separate to your point, which I agree with, but I’ve never understood this contract of dignity that formerly famous people are supposed to have with the public to remain famous forever. Not so much the “D-Listers”, per se – people famous for being famous – but the people who either see the reach of their career potential and call it a day and be happy doing something in the industry, or the people who just want to quit entirely and pursue a different career path. I imagine the pressure they sometimes face just to get out of that without all the ‘Where are they now?’ nonsense is pretty annoying.
I’m pretty sure that this is the last time Adam Carolla was newsworthy for something other than opening his mouth and saying some stupid shit. And even here he barely manages to look better than Steve-O at his absolute nadir.
Normally, I’d be angry if a publication stole jokes from twitter as a “best replies” article instead of a; paying people for their jokes, or b; hiring comedians to write original comedy for them. However, since the best replies include “what” and “what the fuck”, the AV Club can’t even steal jokes properly. This is sub-Buzzfeed shit.
This isn’t a comedy website, it’s a pop-culture news website. Some articles like this are especially lazy, but telling us the funny things comedians are doing is exactly their job. It’s hardly “stealing” jokes if you cite who made them.
Ohhh, you can just not pay people for their work if you say it was their work. Got it. Maybe we could call this system “exposure”.
When your work is on a public platform designed for people to share it with each other for free…
It’s designed to be shared in platform, not to be shared by an outside private equity firm to make money from.
It’s amazing what different directions he and Jimmy ended up in.
I have to imagine that every tweet he composes; every word that comes out of his mouth; every concept that enters his brain; and every waking millisecond of his d-list life has to be a reaction to the question “why’d Jimmy Kimmel end up so much better than me?”
And it’s also the answer to that question as well.
I like to think that the last thing that went through his hands (other than that tweet) was to wonder how the hell Jimmy Kimmel ever got the best of him.
“A brick has like, no strength at all. You can just stomp on a brick, and it’ll bust in half!”(Thank you, Paramount Network and your infuriating heavy-rotation commercials for your own shows.)
How is this even an article? This is just a story of a tweet, padded out with lazy replies that don’t amount to anything funnier than “what”, or “what the fuck”. Come on Colburn, you went to community college for this?
Really, the best response was someone linking to the entrance theme of the American Males.
I’m no fan of the dopey brand of masculinity that Carolla and Tim Allen use in their shtick, but I do love good wordplay and letting people’s ignorance take them where it may. The bit he and Kimmel did about ending women’s suffrage will always have place in my list of funny pranks.And I wear a bracelet of sorts, but it’s a chain. And it’s made of silver. And I like stew. I’m not sure where that leaves me with Carolla’s notions of masculinity.
I’ve eaten bear stew Therefore I’m 10x manlier than Adam Corolla and his Dinty Moore horseshit.
I know Bear Stew – is he still bartending in SoCal?
You’re thinking of Stewart Bear…
I’m deeply concerned because I love stew and don’t like wearing bracelets, but I don’t want to be in whatever bullshit correct demo Carolla thinks that puts me in. Fuck you, Carolla! I also vote blue and suck dicks!
I dislike Adam Carolla, but I dislike even more the fact that some dipshit saying something inane on Twitter and then a million dipshits responding to it with equally inane replies is now a newsworthy event.
A bunch of dipshits making inane comments was out thing first.
What do you recall those who read the article on this newsworthy event and make inane comments in the comment section?
Mostly agree, but that “Merry Stew”/”Happy Soup” joke is solid.
That “I eat stew” bracelet is high on the list of best things I’ve seen this week.
It was funny so I appreciate the AV Club posting about it. This is a fairly harmless way to get a laugh or two in my evening.
I mean, he doesn’t say anything about being for or against this shift. Maybe Corolla just has a passion for sharing obscure data points. Next week: “More chartered accountants wear odour-eating insoles than the standard variety.”
Please stop asking me to subscribe to your damn-blasted newsletter. Every wretched page. Do you people want me to stop visiting this site?
More American males now wear bracelets than know whoTF Adam Corolla is.I guess he needs to stay relevant somehow…
Note that Mike Schur’s is the most overwritten, least funny of these replies.
Sorry, I only note things that are true.
“American males”?I mean, I _suppose_ we can assume that he means humans only, but I’d rather picture him squirting this out after his cat came back with a bracelet loosely hanging from its neck.
Why is that the guys who are whining about what pussies we’ve all become almost always look like fucking Adam Carolla ? I mean seriously, not exactly Jason Statham or Dwayne Johnson
Most guys like Statham or the Rock aren’t insecure in their masculinity, because they look like Statham and the Rock and have been treated like guys who look like Statham and the Rock most of their lives. Carolla probably got picked on for being a weird-looking shrimp with an annoying voice as a kid and adopted his man’s-man shtick to avoid being picked on, instead of internalizing that bullying into self-loathing like a REAL MAN. *cries in the shower* When it worked he built his persona around it, and here we are.Pure speculation but that’s one way it can happen. Basically in the same ballpark as “no zealot like a convert.” PS I don’t want this to sound like I’m excusing Adam Carolla for being the stew-brained unwiped asshole he is, just speculating on how he might have become like that.
Time has not been kind to both Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew, and you could see Carolla’s politics of personal responsibility back in his Loveline days, and you could see Dr. Drew straining to fill up space and his head steadily inflating after Carolla’s departure from the show. I will give both of them credit for what I personally got out of Loveline and I’m sure many teens did, but Carolla’s rightward turn should surprise no one, and I didn’t really keep up with him due to his penchant for not ever stopping talking. But man, did he put together some hilarious rants back in the day – That duo seemed to constrain some of his more grandiose impulses.I believe (or have a hunch that) Norm McDonald is somewhere center / right of center, but I’ll be damned if he isn’t the funniest comedian out there. Carolla, unfortunately, is no Norm McDonald.But if I read the tweet in Carolla’s voice, I get it. It’s maybe more a strike or a foul-tip than a strike-out.
We get it, Adam: you are struggling with the fact that you are secretly gay
Comedy goes over young people’s heads – News at 11.
The stew in the header looks fucking delicious.
I really enjoyed the show Baskets.
Cool. Those were even limper than the usual crop of Cleverly Clearys we’ve come to expect from Great Job, Internet.
Seems like a mean joke against his audience as over half of them have to wear medical alert bracelets and can’t eat stew because of the high sodium content.
Kimmel must be rolling over in his grave.
So nice of Carolla to finally come out and admit that he likes to have Stew shoved in his mouth.