Traffic in Australia is just offal after semi-truck sloshes animal guts across highway
Get it? Because it's both a commuter issue and a disgusting public health hazard.
Aux Features Offal
Not to be outdone by America’s recent traffic nightmares, Australia has countered our blizzard-induced logjams in the most Australian way possible: Earlier this week, an 18-wheeler collided with another motorist on a freeway ramp near Melbourne, spilling hundreds of pounds’ worth of animal entrails and other “abattoir waste” across the asphalt.
If you’ll recall, Australia resides in the Southern Hemisphere, meaning it is currently summer down there… it’s about 93 degrees Fahrenheit at the site of the crash, to be more specific. We’ll let you “stew” on that image for a moment…
“MEAT SPILL,” announced 9News Melbourne yesterday via Twitter. “The left lane of the M80 Boundary Road exit ramp has been CLOSED due to a truck spillage of animal entrails and meat waste,” the continued, adding that “The Department of Transport has warned that the gruesome cleanup ‘will take some time.’”
Godspeed, Department of Transport. Godspeed.
Oh, and by the way—this isn’t even the first time that animal guts spilled across Australian roadways in the past goddamn month. On December 21, a van accidentally and “inexplicably” dumped heaps of salmon across a bridge in Sydney. Luckily, that incident apparently only took a few hours to cleanup, as opposed to the current gut-punch (not sorry) being endured by local health officials.
Say! Would you like to gawk at some more gross images of rendered animal entrails baking in the Australian sun? Of course you’d like to gawk at some more gross images of rendered animal entrails baking in the Australian sun… and we are more than happy to oblige such a morbid curiosity.
“Thanks to all motorists for your patience and to crews who worked on an ‘offally’ warm day to clean up the mess,” tweeted VicTraffic, which alright—let’s leave these puns to the pros, okay?
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29 Comments
BOOOOOOOO!!! [throws popcorn] BAD PUN BAD PUN!
The second headline definitely saves it.
I can practically smell the pun it’s so bad.
I live in Australia. This is just another day in paradise.
I do take issue with the idea that we countered America “in the most Australian way possible”, seeing as the truck did not spill out tonnes of beer and flag-encased racists.
“tonnes” huh?
seeing as the truck did not spill out tonnes of beer and flag-encased racists.Not all of us live in Melbourne.
Dibs!
When this article shows up on next week’s Punwatch, next week’s Punwatch better show up on next month’s Podmass.
I’m still more afraid of the giant spiders.
You shouldn’t be. Our trucks filled with giant spiders hardly ever crash.
Most dangerous animal in Australia (probably the world) is… the kangaroo.
Australians drive everywhere. Kangaroos are mostly everywhere. You can’t see them before it’s too late and if you’re lucky there’ll only be damage to your car.
Kangaroos can be easily avoided if you keep your eyes of your phone while your driving (admittedly something that most aussies find difficult to do)Drop Bears on the other hand? You’ll never see nor hear the buggers until it’s too late!
Seriously though, I wish you were right. I really do.
Kangaroos can be easily avoided if you keep your eyes of your phone while your driving (admittedly something that most aussies find difficult to do)
You live in the city, don’t you? Those cunts can and do come out of nowhere at night. And you can’t really avoid them a lot of the time, because your alternative is probably worse.
They are the mobile roadblock of the animal kingdom, with all the characteristics of one of those large plastic water-filled blocks.
Except kangaroos are typically a similar colour as their surrounds and have a habit of jumping onto the road just as a vehicle approaches them.
In a country where everyone drives I can’t think of a more dangerous animal.
I’ve lived in rural Victoria for the last 10 years. Had a few run out in front of me but have usually seen them coming and been able to slow down or avoid them. If it’s night or twilight, I expect them to run out so I keep my eyes open and my foot near the brake pedal. Most other drivers I see tend to be gormless fuckwits who’ll sit 10ks under the speed limit in the right hand lane on the highway with a chain of cars behind them, or will sit idly in the left lane without changing lanes when there’s someone a few hundred metres up ahead patiently waiting to pull out onto the highway. They’re the cunts who act all surprised when a roo makes a dash for it.
it’s about 93 degrees Fahrenheit at the site of the crash, to be more specific.
To be even more specific you should say it’s about 34 degrees Celsius.
Australians know it’s hot. We don’t need our temperature to be in triple digits to tell us that.
That’s arguably less specific, since the gaps between Celsius degrees are larger than Fahrenheit.
True. :)My point was the story is specifically Australian, therefore the units of measurement should also be.
I did the conversion (as this article used your godless Fahrenheit scale to measure the temperature) and it’s 33 degrees Celsius, which is not as bad as it could be for a January day in Oz. I mean, it still won’t be pleasant, but Melbourne was getting 38 degree days (over 100F) back in December.
Fahrenheit vs Celsius is a religious debate?
Anything is a religious debate if you’re unhinged enough.
There is no such word as “alright”
a’ight
No worries, mate. 900 hundred dollarydoos!?!? Tobias! There’s nothing wrong with the bidet, is there? Sounds like they need to contact the Drainage Commission in Springfield.
Kate Bernot would have loved this story…..
Idk. Are we supposed to be grossed out, sickened, outraged? I can’t imagine that Aussies are too delicate to handle this news. Weird.
I’m now hoarding in prep for the great hot dog shortage of 2022.