America's premier grifters Alex Jones and Jim Bakker have been forced to stop peddling coronavirus "cures"
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In one of 2020's most powerful collaborations, it seems the Illuminati and the Dark Lord Satan Himself have come together in a grand conspiracy to undermine the good work of their eternal enemies, InfoWars’ ham-golem Alex Jones and televangelism’s premier hate-grandpa Jim Bakker. These two men—giants in their respective brands of apocalyptic grifting—have been asked by the (no doubt reptilian-controlled) government bodies of their nation to stop providing the masses with “cures” for coronavirus, like magic toothpaste and bottles of miracle liquid.
The Verge’s Jon Porter reported on the order given to Jones, which came in the form of New York attorney general Letitia James telling him to stop claiming that products he sells, like the Superblue Toothpaste, are capable of “[killing] the whole SARS-corona family at point-blank range.” James called Jones’ sales pitch an “incredibly dangerous” method of “[profiting] off of New Yorkers’ anxieties” and warned him that “my office will not hesitate to take legal action” if “these unlawful violations do not cease immediately.”
Elsewhere, the seals broke open, spilling out swarms of locusts, multi-headed dragons, and the Missouri Attorney General’s Office upon the beleaguered prophet, Jim Bakker. Bakker, known for selling buckets of survival slop so the righteous can keep on eating during the End Of Days, has been fulfilling his godly mission lately by advertising a “Silver Solution” that his show says has “been tested on other strains of the coronavirus and has been able to eliminate it within 12 hours.” Bakker believes the Solution was given to him by god so he could, Christ-like, pass it on to those in need for $80 or more. After Missouri officials told him to knock it off, others from New York, the FDA, and the FTC followed suit.
Jones and Bakker are no strangers to getting in shit with the law, but the two are impossible to stop for long. No matter what demons spew forth from the bowels of hell or the depths of Bohemian Grove, Jones and Bakker press on, determined to help their loyal audiences by taking their money in return for poisonous ideas and useless vats of goop. Still, considering how well Jones has handled setbacks like getting banned from Twitter in the past, we imagine the government’s crackdown on his income is bothering him at least a little bit.
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74 Comments
This is great, just great! Now how are they going to scam money out of my grandparents? Plenty of other ways?Oh. Okay, then. Carry on.
Gimme their number. I’ll pretend to be you and ask for bail money. Forty percent of the take is yours.
Good luck! {starts foaming at the mouth} They stopped bailing me out years ago! {fairly foamy} “It’ll teach him a lesson.”, they said. {mostly foamy} Well, the joke’s on you, grandparents, {fully foamy} I learned nothing!
You’re posting this from county lockup, aren’t you?
Please don’t drink colloidal silver.
Of course not. You shoot it straight into your veins.
Or inject it in your asshole. Lots of blood vessels near the anus.
Yeah, how else am I gonna be Wolverine!
Obviously. You dry it up, mash it up into a powder and mix it with cocaine and bleach to snort. I still have no idea why anyone listens to these people. I saw someone honestly saying – It’s not a big deal, it’s just SARS.The idea that SARS was actually kind of a big deal was something they seemed to be unaware of.
I know people who are still saying “It’s just the flu.”Do I need new friends?
I’d at least stay the fuck away from them for the time being.
You might, once the virus gets through with them.
It’s like when people act like Y2K was a whole lot of nothing.
Was it as bad as initially predicted? No. Funny thing that – THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TAKE THIS SHIT SERIOUSLY FROM THE START INSTEAD OF WAITING TILL IT MAKES YOU LOOK BAD.
I don’t care how wrong it sounds out loud – I genuinely heaved a sigh of relief when the markets started to nose dive. Not even cause I wanted it, but just because I knew that meant this administration was now going to be forced to at least to pretend to give a shit instead of acting like it’s all made up.
…let’s be clear, they’re still fucking it up in a big way, but they’re at least using half an ass now as opposed to no ass.
I genuinely feel sorry for all the programmers who worked on making sure we were all Y2K compliant by 2000 and now have people thinking they didn’t do a damn thing because it worked. Some of The Kids these days don’t even know that the Millennium Bug was a thing.
Yeah, I’m almost 50, but was involved in Y2K work in the late 1990s (yes, it was as tedious as in Office Space). Bad things didn’t happen, but it wasn’t that there was no problem, it’s that we actually prepared for it.
“It’s like when people act like Y2K was a whole lot of nothing.”Yeah, I used to hear that from people from time to time. As a programmer who did a ton of OT re-mediating code for Y2K. People would say things like, “All that money and talk, and then nothing happened. Was it all just a scam to get the money?”
It’s like paying to get your brakes fixed, and then complaining that you didn’t get into an accident.
Why not? Some of us WANT to look like Frost Giants, dammit!
Actually, do it. If you’re stupid and ignorant enough to try, then go all in and rid humanity of your dumbass genes.
Let them! When they turn blue from it, we can know who the real sheeple are.
…but freebasing Tide pods is still fine, right?
Morons should be allowed to harm themselves. They obviously shouldn’t be allowed to harm others, and it should not be permissible to profit off of their stupidity because of the financial incentives that creates, but the potential for self-harm is a necessary aspect of personal autonomy.Anyone who wants to drink colloidal silver should have it for free.
Here’s a better pic of Bakker:
That’s a great one! I keep this one on my phone to ambush friends with randomly because it is so gloriously 80s WTF.
Asshats like Alex Jones have got to be praying for a Biden win in November. It’s hard to spin your magic cure-all being banned by the government as a conspiracy when your audience has been trained to love everything the man at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue does.
I generally agree with those that say the R’s and D’s are just two sides of the same shitty coin (though I find the D’s slightly less objectionable overall), but the R’s are really dominant in the “outright scam” category it seems. Fake virus cures, gold and silver scams, doomsday supplies, Trump U, we D’s need to step up our game.
Spot-on.I mean, under normal circumstances I’d like to think even the R’s would want to distance themselves from these 2 soulless grifter clowns …… but then I remember who is in the white house, and we’re so far apart from “normal” at this point.
I know a lot of D’s into the essential oils cure everything racket. My local bead and jewelry supply store has been posting all day about the healing properties of the crystals they sell.
You, my friend, have never been to Chicago. Not scams as much as the phrase, “we need to wet our beaks, so come to 5 of these $500 plate fundraisers if you would like to talk about this building permit….as a starting point”
As despicable as that is, it’s not really a scam. The “victim” knows what they’re getting into.
Right, as I said, not so much a scam. Maybe politics just draws in a certain type of person who is more inclined to take advantage over the less fortunate no matter what side of the coin they are on. Here is some information about a small town Republican in Illinois. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rita_Crundwell If you really get interested click on some of the references at the bottom. As a lifelong resident of Illinois, whenever anyone comes up with a scheme for defrauding tax payers elsewhere in the country, Illinois will gladly say, “Hold my beer, and watch this.”We also went through an unprecedented 2 years of not having a state budget because the Republican governor and Democratic legislature got into a dick measuring contest. God, my state is fucked up politically…
Jones went all-in for Trump early in 2016. He’s stopped pretending to be a libertarian/contrarian and has just pivoted to straight-up fascist bootlicking. Everything that Trump can’t accomplish (like allow Jones back on Twitter and Facebook) is the fault of “the Deep State”. If Foxbots were allowed to bust into demon-voiced rants about raping children, he could moonlight on that network.
He would want that.
He would want that SO fucking badly right now.
One of the most fascinating parts of listening to the podcast Knowledge Fight – their chronicling of the decline of Alex Jones over the past few months has painted a picture of a man equal parts disgusting and sad as fuck in how he’s trying to stay relevant without the easy access of YT and social media.
Also, dude’s been falling off the wagon in a pretty big way lately (not just talking his DWI arrest – look up their episode on his CPAC coverage to hear a lot of Jones being flat-out sloppy drunk.)
What up, fellow wonk! I love Knowledge Fight and am pretty active in the Facebook group. Man, Jones was hammered at CPAC. Pretty sure “He went to bed” was code for “He’s passed out in a dumpster covered in his own vomit”.
“It’s time to pray!”
At about halfway through that episode, I was bracing for it to culminate in him just throwing up at the podium.
I’m still not sure whether I’m more relieved or disappointed that didn’t happen.
Trump, his campaign and his following never stopped pretending to be libertarians/contrarians. Even while they’re in power they insist they’re oppressed men of the people.
Yeah, I’m a fan of Richard Linklater (Dazed and Confused, etc.), but in retrospect it was a mistake to have Alex Jones in some of his films. In the 1990s and early 2000s, Jones was just an eccentric Austin personality. He was full of shit, but amusing, like Emperor Norton of San Francisco probably was in the 19th century. People (including Linklater) just didn’t know just how dangerous he was.
Their audience is made up of the dumbest people in the United States of America. It isn’t hard at all.
Can you believe these grifters selling bogus, potentially health impacting “cures” for Corona virus? Shameful!Everyone knows that the only really effective product is my own, patented, CovidChlor*. It’s the only product on the market that has the proven** restorative and healing power of organic sodium hydroxide, natural sodium chloride and fortified with Vitamin C and echinacea. Taken internally, it stops any virus dead in it’s tracks! Supplies are limited. Order now and we’ll include rush shipping for FREE!! (Allow 6-8 weeks for delivery)*Not intended to diagnose, cure, treat or prevent any disease.**Not evaluated or tested by the FDA
Honestly the best prevention for Covid-19 may be looking like Alex Jones. No one would want get within 6 feet of you then
What’s Joel Osteen been up to???…..stay vigilant!
Ask Kanye.
‘Ham-golem’ is a fantastic description of Jones. *golf clap*
Jim Bakker turned into a dirty Q-Tip so slowly I barely noticed.
My homemade Prozac (which is mostly ice cream) also may*************** work against Coronavirus too!
I’d rather these guys get money that would otherwise end up funding Trump’s campaign.
Given how much they stump for him, the money may as well be going to his campaign anyway.
To brighten your day a little, Jones got arrested a few days ago for DWI.
Too bad he’ll probably use his griftbux to get a sweet deal.
DWI after, apparently, getting into a physical altercation with his wife.No, not the wife who took his kids and most of his money in the divorce settlement last year for exactly this kind of bullshit. His new wife, who we should all wish good luck, better decision-making skills, and excellent legal representation.
the people who buy this stuff deserve whatever happens to them. it’s a cleaning of the gene pool.
Steve Earle wrote this when Reagan was president, but it still applies today.
If anything it got hella worse.
Monorail! Monorail! Monorail!
Another good one. One of the inspirations for that Simpsons scene.
1) people still listen to Jim Bakker? 2) why did I ask that—of course they do.
I’m old enough to remember his original rounds of scams, and if you had told me back then that this idiot would still be around and selling buckets of apocalypse slop to Boomers, I’d have told you that you were crazy.
I know Millennials that are into this nonsensical hocus-pocus. I sometimes think I’m part of a next level spoof. But dang they’re really brainwashed .
Let’s paint that picture a bit more vividly. Alongside the scamming, there was a whole bunch of sexual misconduct allegations, right up to reports of him raping someone and then paying them off.
The fact someone can be that much of a hypocritical scumbag and STILL not fall out of favor with the Evangelical set (for long, anyway) sort of says it all about just how hollow their righteous anger really is.
There’s an episode of the podcast You’re Wrong About that covers Jessica Hahn and Jim Bakker; he apparently sent another minister into the room as he left, and that guy also raped Hahn. Then a third guy came in, but Hahn managed to talk him out of raping her. It was fucking crazy.And in court he said, essentially, that Tammy Faye’s vagina was so loose that he couldn’t feel anything when he had sex with her, and that’s what drove him to “infidelity”. Pretty sure you just got a micropeen, Bakker.
…wow. That…
I had known about the two (in this case, care of the podcast Swindled doing a general overview on his litany of wretchedness) but either they had left out or I forgot the third guy in there.
Again, the fact this guy is allowed back in says SO much for the modern evangelical movement, and none of it’s good.
Anybody remember that whole thing a few years back where Jim Jr. (Jim & Tammy Faye’s son) was promoting himself as a “liberal Christian” evangelist, and was even officiating gay weddings and making a show of distancing himself from his parent’s brand of Jesus-pushing? Haven’t heard anything about him in quite some time.
He’s the one who allegedly raped his secretary then allegedly paid her hush money to keep the alleged rape secret, then allegedly committed accounting fraud, right?Allegedly.
Alex Jones’es Miracle Elixir
That’s what did the trick, sir,
True, sir, true.
Was it quick sir?
Did it in a tick, sir,
Just like an elixir
Ought to do!
I was gonna say “I hope they catch it”, but they seem like the kinda dinguses that would spread it around.
Just shoot assholes like these in the face.
Really hope shitbag drunk Jones chokes on his own vomit soon and his minimum education audience take their emulation of him to its natural conclusion.
I’m surprised Jones isn’t claiming he’s fighting off the virus with his powerful chilli recipe.
The fact that Jim fucking Bakker is anything but a punchline answer to a bar trivia question on 1980s night just fucking hurts my soul. The man was and is terrible by the standards of televangelists — not just in his politics but in how fucking naked and obvious his scams were. They should have buried him in prison.
Look at Peter Popoff, exposed as a fraud on no less than the Tonight Show. It destroyed him, temporarily, but like a Tree Of Heaven, you can’t kill it, and he’s back, as sad and pitiful as ever.
That these idiots are not in jail for peddling that shit is an odd thing about the justice system.
Only in America!!