Conceptual artist Kid Rock soars to Mars on a giant middle finger
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Music Features Kid Rock
Last time we checked in on Kid Rock—the heir to a car dealership empire who reinvented himself two decades ago as a trailer park kid who rocks—he was assuring us that his gay friends were totally cool with him casually throwing around homophobic slurs. Five months later, in an apparent bid to remind everyone of his alleged solidarity with the queer community, the conceptual artist straddled a gigantic penis-shaped middle finger rocket and blasted himself so hard into the air that he now resides on the planet Mars.
Or, at least, that seems to be the general gist of Kid Rock’s new music video for a song called “Don’t Tell Me How To Live,” which is about people who don’t like it when other people ask them to please stop confusing ideas like “patriotism” and “independence” with blind contrarianism. Also, to please stop using homophobic slurs.
Based around the hook (and title) of a 2016 single from the Southern rock (by way of Canada) band, Monster Truck, who appear to be a “Jet-meets-Lynyrd Skynyrd” situation, “Don’t Tell Me How To Live” ascends to levels of self-parody not seen since Insane Clown Posse’s “Miracles.” In fact, it’s so willfully, preposterously ignorant that even Weird Al chimed in to assure everyone that this was not his doing.
“Kiss my ass, then you can suck a dick,” rasps Kid Rock before reminding us that “Ain’t nothing changed here, I still don’t give a fuck.” And yet, he subsequently ponders “what the fuck’s up with all the backlash?” before reminding us “snowflakes” that, as you may have already guessed, ain’t nobody gonna tell him how to live.
The rest of the song, of course, is a predictable grab bag of soundbites overheard at the local Outback Steakhouse on a Wednesday night: “a nation of pussies is our next generation,” “every opinion has a millennial offended,” along with repeated extolling of Constitutional Amendments One and, more fervently, Two.
Visually, there’s the aforementioned image of a winged Kid Rock waving a gun around atop his giant, phallic middle finger as it “kid rock-its” into the upper atmosphere, alongside churches, pit bulls, bikers, an anonymous dive bar filled with all manner of good ol’ (white) boys. Rock does his trademark hop-around dance moves that make it seem like he’s suffering from severe bouts of athlete’s foot in both cowboy boots.
“Don’t Tell Me How To Live” seems destined for much-memed infamy in the coming weeks, which of course only pours additional moonshine atop Kid Rock’s strategically constructed garbage fire of a career. And yet, we can’t help but cover something this egregiously bad—a song that’s destined to be yet another barn-burner for Kid Rock’s primary fan base of Nazi face tattoo having men that smack cops in the face with colostomy bags at Mr. Rock’s “Big Ass Honky-Tonk & Rock ‘n’ Roll Steakhouse.”
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94 Comments
This seems as good of a place as any to note that this beer is pretty good, and I guess on point for this article.
Three Floyds’ is legit
I mean, 3F’s from Michigan, right? (I have to admit, I’ve never had any of their beers. I remember seeing Alpha King for like 14 bucks a six pack and passing every time. Also, never had any Sculpin for the same reason.)
Kid Rock is one step away from naming a song “Well, Maybe I AM Racist!”
Or
WHY POWA!?
Has he suggested hanging Mike Pence yet?
Track 5: I Didn’t Say They Were All Rapists.
1996 called…
https://genius.com/Kid-rock-black-chick-white-guy-lyrics
Well there’s my dose of try-hard edgelord for the day.
A man who has never faced a consequence worse than being sent to bed without dessert preaching the gospel of ‘ignore the consequences of what you do’ to an audience of people whose lives are wrecked constantly for ignoring the consequences of what they do.
Upvoted for username-comment synergy.
Down here in greys, Kid Rock is our god.
Can someone get video of the moment Kid Rock learns he’s straddling a giant dildo?
Jesus fuck, I remember digging “Cocky” for what it was, back in the day (blissfully stupid, largely mediocre southern rock shit with some decent tracks), but GOD is this irredeemable.
My favorite part about “Cowboy” is how at no point does it ever describe doing any cowboy things.
I’m seeing a trend in Kid Rock’s music. ‘Bull God’ also fails to describe any of the traditional worship rites of Ba’al.
Monster Truck is from my town and they fuckin suuuuuck. One of those bands that makes surpringly well loved bland-core rock. Worse than nickleback
I suppose the current aughts revival was destined to get around to the vintage edgelord bullshit sooner or later.
Does that mean you’ll finally watch my 9-hour YouTube video on why the Star Wars prequels suck?
“Don’t Tell Me How To Live” seems destined for much-memed infamy in the coming weeks, which of course only pours additional moonshine atop Kid Rock’s strategically constructed garbage fire of a career. And yet, we can’t help but cover something this egregiously bad—I’ll bet you could have if you tried.
But I thought Brad Paisley taught us the Confederate flag is okay if it’s just to support Lynyrd Skynyrd?
Bob “Kid Rock” Ritchie is an Occidental Racist.
Is “The Occidental Racist” the sequel to THE ACCIDENTAL TOURIST?
If I may be the voice of reason here, Ba Wi Ta Bah Banana Fana Figgy Wiggy You Set The Boogie Set Up Chuck The Boogie. My Name Is KEEEEEEEEEED!! RAWK! RAWK! RAWK! Thank you.
Hmmm. You make a compelling argument.
He had me at BA
Actually, the lyrics are Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiid kid ROCK (Baw wit daw baw da bang a dang diggy diggy diggy wit da boogie said upchuck the boogie)But I guess that you just aren’t a true fan.Better get that Ritchie Lincoln Dealership tattoo removed.
I love that according to Kid Rock, his name is Kid Kid Rock.
I made it through 51 seconds before bailing. It’s like a parody of a parody of a parody.
Kid Rock, the human equivalent of a swampy, mosquito-infested above ground swimming pool.
I think he’s more like one of those hog shit lagoons that occasionally explode from methane build up.
I saw that before I saw the Kid Rock thing. Go Weird Al!
He’s the whole redneck backyard: the aforementioned pool, plus the industrial wire spool, the rusted-out, non-working cars, the broken swing set, cinder blocks, dog shit, empty trash cans, garbage bags torn open by raccoons, beer cans, broken grills full of wasps, buried Mason jars full of pennies, losing lottery tickets, and Mike Lindell wandering around clutching one of his shitty pillows with Trump’s face crudely drawn on it, including a small hole at the mouth.
He’s not even a real redneck, but a spoiled white kid who came from money, like a “rapper” version of Larry The Cable Guy.
Holy shit, it’s like someone photoshopped his face onto KRS-One
He has a bar in Nashville. I avoid the place like Covid.
Is he really this earnestly stupid, or is he laughing all the way to the bank?
If this is calculated, which is doubtful (dude isn’t super bright, he just happened to carve out a redneck rock/rap niche no one else occupies), it would be pretty brilliant. You have all the Trumpers who will unironically turn this song into a rallying cry (I fully expect to see Kyle Rittenhouse come out on stage to this song at some upcoming event). Then you everyone else will just laugh and shit on it, make memes of it, and play it over and over again because it’s comedy gold. I just don’t think Mr. Rock is clever enough to know he was making a video that looks like a parody of a Kid Rock video. I think it’s as funny as it is because it is absolutely sincere.
I would LOVE to hear from random crew and tech people who worked on this solely for the pay.
I’m not saying Kid Rock is SMART, but motherfucker was savvy enough to pretend to be from a trailer instead of a large estate to help him ride the rap rock trend, started rocking the rebel flag to cement himself with his asshole fan-base despite being from the North, and smoothly transitioned to bullshit country/pop/ “southern” rock when it became obvious the rap rock wave had crested. And since this song, like a number of his other (s)hits is apparently at least 75% someone else’s pre-existing work, this was a low effort way to grab some attention and reinforce his “brand” with the idiots to keep them coming to his restaurants/cruises/whatever other crap he is hawking.
Agree. He’s like Trump – clever – not necessarily smart.
It’s not that no one else occupies that niche, it’s just that Kid Rock went from ‘fully mainstream’ to ‘highest tier of that particular niche’.
Why can’t it be both? It can be both.
It is both. Because he, like Rush Limbaugh and Tucker Carlson before him, forgot that “You are who you pretend to be.”
Nice fairly obscure Vonnegut reference.
Both
He finally got around to the follow up album to this masterpiece:https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Ffunny%2Fcomments%2Fe3otkr%2Fkid_rock_in_his_vanilla_ice_phase%2F&psig=AOvVaw1FKKCeezSA3riPkFW00nLq&ust=1637786654909000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAsQjRxqFwoTCIC0qPasr_QCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAD
“Speedball Bobby”, as he used to call himself before he got signed to a deal, back at it again?With the gold chain, and rap-based vocals, and the wardrobe of circa-1998-2005 videos, it’s like a ham-handed revival of 20 years ago. Mr. Ritchie has spent years cultivating this lane where he’s supposed to be (or wants to be) the modern Waylon Jennings-meets-Ted Nugent-meets-Bob Seger, or some conglomeration along those lines.Local news media in Detroit (well, the alternative press, at least) has an amusing take on his latest shenanigans:https://www.metrotimes.com/city-slang/archives/2021/11/19/kid-rock-really-likes-guns-compares-himself-to-brad-pitt-and-rides-a-phallic-middle-finger-rocket-in-new-music-video
I’m three articles in about Kid Rock from the Metro Times and it starts with this:
Are you a deer? Do you suffer from low blood pressure?
Then I’ve got a restaurant to show you.
What, no Blackface? Kid Rock has lost his edginess.
you gotta admit, he knows how to get the screeching dickstains who form his base riled up LOL. I don’t know which I want to happen more to him now, to get Covid or be audited by the IRS. But as I always say in response to shit like this, #thankstrump for making white trash proud to unashamedly show their faces and open their mouths in public again, and also for killing satire and urinating on the corpse, because I used to really like satire.
well I guess we know what song they’ll be singing next weekend in that church that was chanting “let’s go Brandon” last weekend
Well, that was sweary!
Nobody tell him that the people buying his records 15 years ago were millennials.
The LGBTQ+ community should totally embrace this video and just appreciate that Kid Rock is very publicly admitting that he likes to ride cock. I mean he is all eff you America, I like to ride a thick, large hard cock, and no one will prevent me from enjoying this thing that gives me great pleasure.
Kid Rock, I know you are not reading this but as a heterosexual white male (or some folks might call me a CIS gendered male, right?) I am all live and let live, you want to put out a video of you riding a cock, well…no need to get angry that I will stand in your way, I say you be you and am just getting a kick out of you being so secure in yourself to admit that you are proud to ride cock, like I said, you be you and before I forget, Happy Holidays, seeing as how Thanksgiving is just 2 days away from now.
Well, I was going to come out to my folks but looks like this is yet another Thanksgiving where Jayson is just my “long-term roommate” and the fact I’m obviously wearing stockings and a garter belt gets ignored again.Thanks Kid Rock.
This you?
Get rid of the mustache and put a mask on her? Close. I was gonna go with dark purple instead of whatever horrid color that’s supposed to be.
I think it’s puce, but considering my eyes jumped out of my head and ran off when I saw that image, I’m not really sure now.
Yeah, that’s kinda seared into my eyeballs now.Again, thanks Kid Rock.
I mean, come on…why even give him the attention?
I think this Kid Rock guy is friends with the editor. I think that Joe Rogan guy might be too.They just want to help their friends with their music/podcasting.
Makes me want to create a response track titled, “Don’t Tell Me How You Live (Because I Don’t Care)”
The Orb did this years ago, and with much more style.https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U.F.Off:_The_Best_of_The_Orb#/media/File:U.F.Off_-_The_Best_of_The_Orb_(The_Orb_album_-_cover_art).jpg
Fucking hell , that may be the first and probably only time Kid Rock has ever been compared with The Orb.
It’s only a matter of time that they meet on record. Dr. Alex Patterson either has or will sample every sound ever recorded.
Truly , we are in the The Really Fucking Stupid Timeline.
I just love how this music video looks like it was shot in 2003 and left in vault for 18 years.
“Kiss my ass, then you can suck a dick,” rasps Kid Rock…but not HIS dick? So, we have to kiss his ass, but then go find someone else’s dick to suck? I mean, it’s for the best – he’s probably been with a lot of unsanitary women – but now I have to make two separate trips. Not to mention, I have to find someone who actually wants to have their dick sucked.
Do I have to provide photo proof, and what will actually happen after I kiss his ass and suck someone’s dick? Is it a prerequisite or an alternative for telling him how to live? No, nothing about this adds up at all… I don’t even think ‘News Live’ is a real station.
To be fair, streamlining the process of fucking yourself for the sake of convenience seems to run counter to the spirit of its intentions. Then again, it is a voluntary process and less steps means a greater percentage of compliance. I’m guessing Mister Rock is more of a quantity than quality sort of guy, even in this department.
Not only do you have to provide photo as proof, by law the photo must be taken at your nearest USPS location. I’m not sure on all the specifics, but it’s akin to getting a passport. Additionally, the photo must also be accompanied by a notarized statement of authenticity, signed by the person whose dick you sucked, and a witness.
Now, if only his shithole fanbase (not sure how big this is anymore, but I have an idea) would: 1. Stop telling other people not to have abortions;2. Stop harassing people about their 1st Amendment-protected religion;3. Tell cops to leave ALL people the fuck alone when they’re doing nothing illegal;4. Stop telling School Boards not to teach different views of History and how it relates to the Present, because it might make their children “feel bad”;5. Stop threatening media’s 1st Amendment right to publish what they want, even if it’s the (gasp) truth;6. Stop restricting other people’s right to vote;…
That’s kid rock? He’s doing that? What a (powerful) dick
Hey, my right to tell other people how to live their lives is in the constitution, so you can’t tell me what to do, librul.
If he really wanted to be taken seriously as an artist, he’d change his name to Adult Contemporary.
This “kid” is 50. Fuck.
It must so easy when your target demographic has no concept of irony
Keanu Reeves is the good guy. Kid Rock is the bad guy. Also Orange Man bad.
He’s one of those people who thinks “millennials” are 16 isn’t he.
In all seriousness, Kid Rock is subhuman scum. I’m not going to even click on the video.
a song that’s destined to be yet another barn-burner for Kid Rock’s primary fan baseDon’t you mean “cross-burner”?
Why does every single person who says “I don’t give a fuck” always immediately proceed to go on long rambling rants where they whine incessantly about everything?“I don’t give a fuck. . . except for all the haters and liberals and pussy-millenials ruining America and my freedom, who I will go to great lengths to tell to suck dicks!”Like. . . this whole video is him giving a tremendous amount of fucks (in a no-homo kind of way, apparently) about everything.
In Capitalist America, Kid Rock tells you how to live.
Look, if it turns out there is some plan in place to send Kid Rock to the inhospitable surface of Mars, I’ll chip in a few bucks.
I think it’s hilarious that Kid Rock, born firmly in the middle of Gen X, thinks:1) Millenials are kids2) Millenials are snowflakes3) Giving multiple middle fingers to Millenials is the height of offensiveness and impropriety when less than two weeks ago we as a generation raved and marveled over the Millenial singer of a brass cover band spraying a fan’s face with her piss live on stage.
here is my response to “Kid” Rock
The original song by Monster Truck includes the lyrics “I got respect for all that’s around me and expect the same for me,” which makes the their decision to let Kid Rock use their music to say dumb, ignorant things all the more perplexing.
Friendly reminder: Millennials are not the “next generation”. We are turning 40 and beginning to think seriously about life insurance policies.
Weird Al is truly a national treasure.
No one is trying to tell you how to live. We jiust don’t want you killing other people with your massive stupdity and shelfishness.
Right, so this article is a Kid Rock promo. Cool.
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