Every character on The White Lotus, ranked by how insufferable they are
Let's count down the worst of the worst on Mike White's Sicily-set satire
TV Features Daphne
To watch any given episode of The White Lotus: Sicily is to step into a resort where, if you were a guest, you’d spend the entire time people-watching. And, in turn, judging those very people you find yourself sharing common areas with. As with its first season, writer-director-creator Mike White has populated his fictional hotel with a string of folks who are, for better and for worse, insufferable in all the right ways. Therein lies the biting satire at the heart of this sun-dappled, Emmy-winning series.
The dark comedy shines through precisely because so many of the guests at the White Lotus are blissfully unaware of how they come off—to one another but also sometimes to themselves. Whether they’re prone to make politically incorrect (or ignorant, really) comments about Puerto Rico or eager to go on meandering stories about their life that show they’re not listening at all to what you’re saying, this season’s cast of characters has no shortage of people you’d run away from if you were to ever encounter them at a hotel bar where the resident pianist has just recently collapsed.
For a list that was dreamt up with a tongue firmly planted in its cheek, we tried to be as playful with the ranking, which goes from least to most insufferable, as we could be. Perhaps it may even double as a Rorschach test of sorts for who we’d rather surround ourselves with and who we’d flake on the first chance we got. Either way, enjoy!
29 Comments
Ethan just bothers me. He is cold and strange to his wife and had no good reason to turn her down and not acknowledge she is trying hard to please him. He is a cold and stunted little man boy that thinks a plain baseball cap is dress clothes. Nice guy, not.
Yeah, this assessment of Ethan is WAY off.
I agree w/ this, Ethan is annoying, he’s giving nothing to his relationship.
Bert is cringe (there, I did it!), but he owns it. Dominic is kinda pathetic. Michael Imperioli is nailing it though.
Pretty much agree with the list so far (haven’t seen episode 4 yet), but I think maybe Albie’s rank is going to slide fast, and his lecture about The Godfather and naiveté around Portia (at his age and with his looks?) seems like it’s sending him into that realm of “nice guy aware of all the ‘issues’” that wraps right around to asshat. I think toxic personality types, like politics, are on a circular continuum (see “In the Company of Men”).
Gonna be really funny if, in the end, gramps tops the list of guys by doing the right thing even with his potty mouth. I’m third gen Sicillian and had uncles who could burn GenZ ears within minutes but be the first guys to throw themselves in front of a bus for you. He’s going to be an interesting contrast to Albie.
Yes there seems to be a movement now to use guys with very bad ways to say that there is no such thing as a nice guy at all. your circular continuum isa good image for people. Not everyone is the same every day and in every moment and every situation. There are people who are nice 99% of the time and there are people who are narcissistic dirt bags 99% of the time and nearly everyone is constantly shifting around in the middle.
and here thought it was good to have Albie’s qualities. Oh right — wokeness is bad.
That’s not what I meant – I’m questioning if Albie’s genuine. On The White Lotus it would be subverting expectations for him not to have a “twist”. Sensitive, enlightened guys can be insufferable jerks like anyone else. Maybe he thinks he’s entitled to Portia’s affections because (he believes) he’s the type of guy she should be attracted to because he’s decent, polite, and has the right opinions.
After episode 4, I’m inclined to think he’s the real deal but will be affected by the events that transpire and abandon his authentic decency. This show may save that reveal till the last few minutes. (I’ll be disappointed though if he ends up murdering Portia and her stud-muffin – last season’s reveal was a little over-the-top and the only eye-roll moment for me).
I watched up to episode 4 and they already had the “nice guy” conversation which usually is the trope where the guy who calls himself nice and says girls don’t really want a nice guy, is not actually a nice guy.
Here are episode 6. So far, he still seems like a pretty well-meaning guy. The buzzword-heavy lectures in the first couple episodes made me think he might be the male answer to Sydney Sweeney’s character last year, but he seems like he actually cares about other people.
The Prosts are the best!
Other than your least insufferable and most insufferable, I agree with nothing in between.12. Quentin
11. Valentina
10. Portia
9. Lucia & Mia
8. Harper
7. Bert
6.Ethan
5.Daphne
4. Dominic
3. Albie
2. Tanya (she was #1 until Quentin saved her this week)
1. CameronHow can you not think Albie is insufferable? He’s so passive aggressive and entitled. Ethan is also pretty insufferable due to his utter lack of any emotion or personality whatsoever.
Yes, Albie literally obsessing over this girl he was nice to, like she owes him a blow job for putting a towel on a lounge chair, is fucking annoying.
I genuinely don’t get any list that doesn’t have Tanya at or near the top. Big fan of Jennifer Coolidge but Tanya is just painful to watch this season.
Albee has been scary since Episode One. He’s defining himself in opposition to his family’s misogyny but is clearly just as entitled as his father, and more sly about getting his way.
I wouldn’t describe Albie as “sly” – he has no idea what he’s doing. I think both Albie and Portia are lost and cowardly and awkward and have little sense of self – they’re just reactive against the things they don’t want to be, but have no idea who they are. That’s why they never connected and their clumsy flirtations went nowhere – they both needed someone more self-assured and commanding (Lucia, and the English Himbo, respectively) to light the spark. Of course, open to changing this impression as the next episodes unfold!
IDK – Is someone who has no idea what he’s doing going to say he’s attracted to “pretty, wounded birds”?
Maybe not – I personally kind of took that line as a dork quoting something he had heard bc he thinks it makes him sound cool / sexy. Even when he said it, it sounded insecure / performative.
Why didn’t Portia order room service or grab food to take to her room (or eat elsewhere)?
What show are you watching where Ethan is more likable than Harper?
I would say Harper should be low on the list. Her snottiness is more armor than real cattiness. Probably because she doesn’t like fake rich people.
I agree. She’s suffering the unsufferable. Including Ethan, who is absolutely terrible.
This show is insufferable this season
Lucia and Mia shouldn’t be bracketed together. As it progresses it’s clear Lucia is actually quite sweet whereas Mia’s initial ingenue act, thinking she was better than her friend, masks a much colder nature.Harper may be the least insufferable. Ethan should be nearer the top.
Valentina making advances on her employee and shaming the working girls any chance she gets but sure?
Very meta to make a list about annoying people in the most annoying possible format
You know what’s truly insufferable? Still using slideshows in 2022, you greedy fucks.
are you serious ethan is a top 3, witholds truth from his cool wife to do what? Not tattle on his annoying college boyfriend?
“But anyone who calls out Tanya (Jennifer Coolidge) for looking like Peppa Pig and fumbles a flirtatious encounter with a subordinate with candor is never gonna get any flak from us.” Puerile (and inaccurate) fatphobia is a good quality? I like Valentina too, but that was one of her bad moments.
Portia is too high. She’s clearly a decent person who was fine to hang out with this guy’s father and grandfather, maybe a little exhausting at moments, but not “insufferable.”In general, I don’t remember if this site ran this in Season 1, but I feel like that one had a lot more true candidates for this concept (granted, with one episode left). Sydney Sweeney and her friend (don’t remember the actress or the character’s name), Jake Lacy, Molly Shannon, Murray Bartlett, Jennifer Coolidge sort of.