Rule 34 states that if it exists, there is a porn version of it. The same, it seems, is beginning to be true of ASMR videos, which aim to trigger the soothing tingles otherwise known as autonomous sensory meridian response via gentle whispers and pointed, yet mundane sounds. There’s Harry Potter ASMR, reality TV ASMR, construction ASMR, Xenomorph ASMR, and, our personal favorite, Hungry Turtle ASMR. Now, we have coronavirus ASMR, and, if you’re as unnerved by quite literally everything getting canceled and delayed as we are, it might bring you a little comfort. Or more terror. It’s hard to say with this stuff.
The 30-minute clip above comes from the wildly popular ASMR Darling YouTube channel, and its noble purpose extends well beyond telling you you’re not going to die. Instead, the immersive video takes the form of a doctor’s visit, with the masked-up whisperer checking your vitals and administering a test for strep throat before determining that, yep, you definitely have coronavirus. The mask’s rustle, the rip of velcro, and the repeated washing of hands accompany the narrator’s voice she runs through a list of debunked coronavirus myths—no, covering your body in alcohol or chlorine will not kill a disease that lives inside you—and, in a sobering twist, tells you you’ll need to be “flown out to quarantine.”
If that’s a touch too real right now, maybe you’ll enjoy one of the other handful of ASMR coronavirus videos online. Some simply seek to debunk more myths in hushed, fuzzy tones, while others offer hope by injecting you with a (fictional) vaccine.
The best, however, involves a turtle eating a “coronavirus watermelon.”
Save us, turtles.
[via Boing Boing]
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9 Comments
I’m not sure what the hell this is, and I don’t want to know either.
What the…what the fuck is this??? I’m far more weirded out now than I was over coronavirus itself…
I just don’t and never will understand ASMR. It’s like a collection of the creepiest, most nerve-wracking sounds (and actions) played at me and it’s supposed to relax me somehow? It’s like yoga, all it does is make me want to actually kill someone.
I’m the opposite. I get the tingly feeling when I hear someone whisper or someone typing on a keyboard, but I also don’t watch ASMR videos because they’re so weird. Like, maybe if it was someone reading from a book in a calm quiet voice, but the roleplay shit? Hard no.
to each their own, it’s the whole concept. ASMR is bruteforce relaxation. Thousands of people trying thousands of sounds for millions of listeners to trudge through and find what’s working for them.
And there is thousands of book reading ASMR videos, but if you’re into book reading only, Stephen Fry is the god damn king. And he is very prolific. Check Audible 🙂
same. i fucking hate ASMR with a passion. i do not want to hear you whispering so close to the mic that the sound of your saliva makes it into my ear. i do not fucking care if it’s popular, i hate it and it makes me want to punch someone.
It’s all fucking weird but at the same time I have whatever the reaction is so yeah… I realise it makes no sense to people who don’t get “the feeling” whatever it actually is, it would be like an asexual person (who had never talked to anyone else who wasn’t asexual) watching porn (standard bit where I have to point out that ASMR is not a sexual thing)
It was only ever a matter of time. At least some of them are informative, and the turtle video was adorable.
I thought the ASMR videos were the porn versions of it? I’m genuinely impressed the AV club managed to find so many male ASMR-doers.