Greed is good (and totally a Libra) thanks to this stock portfolio app based on your horoscope
Aux Features Money
Unless you are that nonexistent fiscally responsible 1-in-6 millennial with around $100,000 in your savings account, it’s probably pretty safe to assume your finances aren’t in tip-top shape. Sure, you could cut back on booze and fast food expenses, but real wealth generation has always resided in breaking into that cornerstone of any healthy capitalist society—the stock market. But where and how does one start building up reserves to ensure they can pay off their future fortified hellscape enclave’s protection racketeers? Do you invest in gold? Bury valuables in a secret forest location? Or, hear us out, do you trust in the cosmic machinations of your birthday?
Developed by web design company MSCHF, Bull & Moon is an app which promises to consult its database of star and planetary movements to best build you a portfolio of astrologically compatible corporate entities, which, judging from the state of global markets, sounds about as rock solid as anything else these days.
“Is this a joke, or is this an actual investment strategy?” you ask, to which Bull & Moon’s answer appears to be a resounding “Sure.” As their six-page white paper outlines, a recent test case using “MSCHF Finance Working Group” volunteer (and, we suspect, Bull & Moon designer) Daniel Greenberg’s portfolio showed a 7.47% return versus the S&P’s paltry 1.7% profit during Q3 of 2019, so do with that as you will.
Our legal team advises us that it’s probably important to note we here at The A.V. Club do not officially endorse or condemn such financial strategies as Bull & Moon. That said, the author of this article may or may not be brushing up on his “rising sign” while knowing full and well there’s something particularly dystopian about a freelance writer with no real savings genuinely considering an investment strategy based upon an art-joke-marketing hybrid app. It’s almost as if the entire late capitalist financial market is a grim parody of itself based on semi-divine forces we can’t hope to truly comprehend or access…
And here we thought we had our IRA figured out after using our local, licensed haruspex.
7 Comments
there have been more than a few reviews over the years that suggest that a lot of the supposed managed portfolio types don’t perform better than random chance in a lot of cases, so this isn’t exactly crazy. for the casual investor, just follow the general trends and invest accordingly
My dad, a business professor, often told the tale of an expertly-managed portfolio that was outperformed by a guy who pinned the stock page of the newspaper to the wall and threw darts at it. Probably apocryphal but I don’t doubt it could be true. A lot of “experts” don’t really know shit about what they’re supposedly experts in (trust me, I’m one of a team of them).
Warren Buffet famously bet a million dollars that no managed funds could out perform the market over a ten year period if they had to pick the specific funds in advance. Only one manager took him up on it, and said manager conceded in year nine.
The MSCHF site contains links back to G/O Media (among others) content, lol. I still can’t figure out what the hell it is. Its the 2019 digital manifestation of the ouroboros.
https://hdfilm24.com
I had a business school teacher in a 300 level class in college who actually played the ‘Greed is Good’ speech and said ‘This is the motto of all businessmen!’He also said that all businesses should be run like Tyco and Enron. This was right around 2000 so you can figure out how smart he actually was.
Sure, you could cut back on booze and fast food expenses, but real wealth generation has always resided in breaking into that cornerstone of any healthy capitalist society—Inheritance? Colonialism?the stock market. You have mistaken the diamond for the game of baseball.(A recent version of Burton Malkiel’s A Random Walk Down Wall Street should give you all the tools you need to put what capital you can into a low-load index fund and go worry about things you CAN do something about, and explain why this is a better idea than whatever people are trying to sell you.)