Shh! A secret David Lynch movie might premiere at Cannes in May
It supposedly has Laura Dern in it, but that's all we know
Aux News David Lynch
Last January, during one of his regular YouTube weather reports, David Lynch promised that his next video would feature an announcement. That was all he said, and at the time, we explained that—just from the nature of this being a thing that David Lynch announced during a daily YouTube vlog where he says if it’s sunny outside—he could’ve been referring to literally anything. It could’ve been something exciting, like the mysterious Netflix show we’ve heard about, or it could’ve been something totally normal that would only be fun or interesting because of the weird appeal of his totally banal weather reports. It ended up being the latter, naturally, but we want you to keep that story in mind when we get to the actual bit of news here.
That news is that Variety has heard from “two well-informed sources” that David Lynch is going to premiere a secret and “completely off the radar” feature film at Cannes in May this year. All we know about this rumored film is that Laura Dern will be in it (“either as a cameo or a supporting role”), but that’s about as useful as hearing that Michael Caine will make a token appearance in a Christopher Nolan movie. David Lynch has his squad of actors, and Laura Dern is arguably the best one, so of course she’ll be in this secret movie. Hell, we wouldn’t be surprised if the movie were called Laura Dern and she played every part.
Variety guesses that it could also be “an extended pilot” of the aforementioned mysterious Netflix show, but nobody knows for sure. What we do know is that Cannes is happening in about a month, from May 17 to May 28, so we don’t have that much longer to wait.
But hey, if you’ll be at Cannes and this Lynch movie isn’t real (or it’s some kind of quirky thing like his weather reports), at least you can see the premiere of Lightyear or Top Gun: Maverick or Elvis. Those are fine consolation prizes, right? (The real consolation prize would be David Cronenberg’s Crimes Of The Future, surely, but we chose those other three movies for comedic effect based on the fact that they have very little in common with the works of David Lynch.)
19 Comments
James Gray’s film should be there too. Saw it already and it is a masterpiece. It’s gotta be the favorite if it goes there.
A masterpiece? Or a “masterpiece” like Ad Astra, where it’s just a dumb-as-they-come scifi blockbuster, but shot handsomely, slowed down to an absolute crawl, and fawned over by critics as if it had something interesting to say?
Whaaa? How’d you see it already?
(waves fingers around)
Hopefully, it won’t be him trading non sequiturs with a monkey for two hours.
Hopefully it will!
It’s just gonna be two hours of Laura Dern zoom-chatting with that singing monkey.
Yes, shut up and take my money as well. I’d even watch Lynch do a daily weather report. Oh wait…
I’m not in the biz, but how do you make a secret movie? Even small-budget films have a sizable team of people working on them. Somebody knows you’re making a movie, even if you can keep the plot under wraps.Of course, if anyone could pull it off, make a movie so secret that only he and Laura Dern know about it, not anyone else involved in its creation (except maybe Kyle MacLachlan), it’d be David Lynch.
Terrence Malick has a new joint in the works as well. It’s supposed to be all Biblical and stuff.
Fucker been sowin’ some pretty heavy shit…
Bring in Feyd and Rabban
My body is ready.
This movie already premiered. We watched it at your house. In fact, I’m there right now. CALL ME.
That’s fucking crazy man.
In fact, I am the film and I sound just like this.
David Lynch sucks.
I hope Lynch just pays publicists to leak fake projects for the next 20 years.