Simpsons writer Josh Weinstein has some wild stories about working with Lawrence Tierney
Aux Features The Simpsons
When he was alive, Lawrence Tierney was often a go-to whenever Hollywood needed a heavy. He was stone-faced, had a gravelly voice, and, to paraphrase Reservoir Dogs, “Motherfucker looked like The Thing.”
But as a recent Twitter thread from former Simpsons writer and showrunner Josh Weinstein reminds us, sometimes actors are good at playing grizzled assholes because they really are grizzled assholes. Just in time for the holidays, Weinstein has shared a timeline of the crazy shit Tierney did during the creation of “Marge Not Be Proud,” one of the series’ best Christmas episodes. In it, Bart tries to steal the highly coveted video game Bonestorm and runs afoul of a rough-around-the-edges security guard named Don Brodka, voiced by Tierney.
At one point, Tierney insisted that the character would be funnier with a Southern accent.
And it just got worse from there.
Weinstein’s fellow Simpsons scribe Bill Oakley even chimed in to recall how Tierney was “somehow irked by me ‘dressing like a baseball player.’”
All of this dovetails with the Seinfeld crew’s stories of working with Tierney on a season two episode. “I’ll tell you something about Lawrence Tierney,” said Julia Louis-Dreyfus. “He was a total nutjob.”
The point is, if Tierney were still alive, you definitely wouldn’t want to work with him, gripping as he was onscreen. Read the whole thread, which has plenty of other details, over at Twitter.
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In that Seinfeld episode you can tell that Seinfeld and Alexander were genuinely afraid of the guy, which made the it that much better.
Apparently he stole a knife, which was NOT a prop knife, at some point, so I’d be scared of him, too.
Yep.
The crew wishes it was just a box of raisins.
He was supposed to be a recurring character, but everyone was so terrified of him that he never came back.
Though Larry David did threaten to bring him back on occasion to keep the cast and crew in line.
Also, he was based on Richard Yates, I think–David dated his daughter. I don’t think even Yates was THAT terrifying.
That’s a bummer. I loved that episode & I remember thinking it was weird that he never showed up again.
Except Jerry was not frightened & confronted him about his antics, no?
The story is, Tierney stole a knife from the set, Jerry pointed that out and Tierney threatened him with said knife. Everyone hated and feared him.
Machiavellian
See, THAT’S a crazy story. This is more “Tierney was a grumpy old man who didn’t really get the show’s humor.” I imagine a ton of comedies must deal with that when their guest stars are a generation or more older than the people writing for them.
“Pendant? Those bastards.”
I’m not sure why— maybe just because of him being Lawrence Tierney— but I’ve always found his line “We had a funny guy with us in Korea. Tail gunner. They blew his brains out all over the Pacific” to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.
You skipped the best part: “..There’s nothing funny about that.”
I started the rumor that Russell Crowe shouts out his entire name when he reaches orgasm. But it was all a lie. It was Tierney the whole time.
I don’t understand. Why is Tierney hiding under Russell Crowe’s bed, waiting to scream “Russell Ira Crowe” at the opportune moment?
What, you’ve never had a hobby?
If you have the chance, check out an old, old movie called Born To Kill. Tierney makes a very convincing psychopath. Also, it’s a good movie.
Wow, one of those rare movie poster tag lines that’s better than the title. I mean, Born to Kill is a decent enough title, but nothing beats Bullet-Man and Silken Savage!
That is such a great movie. Tierney is certainly unforgettable, but Esther Howard steals the show. ‘Born to Kill’ also has the most egregious use of stunt doubles who look nothing like the actors they’re subbing for I’ve ever seen.
“Tierney makes a very convincing psychopath.”Probably because he was a psychopath.
I think you can find an old “The Making of Reservoir Dogs” doc on YoutubeMichael Madsen / Chris Penn have some good stories about Tierney (stealing stuff, beating up cops, etc etc etc)
Tarantino’s experience working with him on Reservoir Dogs:
The RD DVD had a number of Tierney recollections from the cast. Some tidbits I recall:Michael Madsen:- Tierney busted through a wall at a dinner party because he felt the door to the next room should have been there.- California troopers once physically threw Tierney across the state line into Nevada, they were so tired of dealing with him.Ralph Fiennes- Tierney was friends with the man who invented the light up Yo-Yo. Quote: “Like…these were his mates [eyeroll].”
…what was Ralph Fiennes doing on the Reservoir Dogs DVD?
Yeesh, Tim Roth. One of those Paxton/Pullman things for me – always mix them up.
On his commentary for Hot Fuzz (yes, he has one, and no, it doesn’t make much sense), he reveals that gesture Mr. Brown makes at the end of the opening scene is actually him as the director telling everyone to stand up and go after spending hours trying to get Tierney to say his line properly.
Beyond the usual “and then he was cast in the role of…”, Tierney’s Wikipedia entry is a fascinatinf read. The guy was a mean, mean drunk.
Patton Oswalt told a story on Gilbert Gottfried’s Amazing Colossal Podcast about a time in the 90s when he was seeing a Citizen Kane revival when a man sat down behind him and started a vulgar, “man of his time” running commentary about the actors in the film, muttering to themselves about who was gay and other insider tidbits….and after ten minutes or so, a young person came by and said, “Mr. Tierney, it’s time to go.”
Patton re-tells that story in Silver Screen Fiend. As he’s leaving, Patton hears Tierney say, “Y’know, I’ve never seen this movie. It’s pretty fuckin’ good.”
So, y’know, one of the greatest cinematic masterpieces ever committed to film, and Lawrence Tierney thinks it’s “pretty good.”
He’s not wrong.
Shut up nerd
It’s in black and white it can’t be that good.
Dramas are boring.
Tierney was also in the Star Trek: TNG episode “The Big Goodbye.” The producers were seriously concerned that they would not be able to complete production on the episode.
Where’d you read that? I’ve read Wheaton’s anecdote about meeting him, but not what you just mentioned.
The 50 Year Mission oral history of Star Trek that came out a few years ago.
I have that book on kindle (still haven’t gotten around to reading it) and searching for “Tierney” or “big goodbye” gives no results besides one if the opening bios. Which page is that on?
Seems like these wild stories boil down to, “We Simpsons writes are fragile cowards.”
Hello there, toxic masculinity.
My old emotionally distant male friend.I’ve come to talk with you again
wimp
Yeah, I only watch cartoons if the people who made them have wrestled at least fifteen bears.
Has Bart ever owned wrestled a bear?
I think Homer had a bear for an enemy in one episode.
Not since the Bear Patrol has been on the job.
Quiet or the gov will institute the Bear Tax!
And at least one of the bears has to be a grizzly or fuck right off.
It would if this was the only story of him being an ornery asshole, but there are several flying all over Hollywood. So, this is an example of “If you run into an asshole at the beginning of your day, you’ve met an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, then you’re the asshole.”
Tierney appeared as the villain in “The Big Goodbye” on Star Trek: TNG, and Wil Wheaton told a story where he briefly met him even though they didn’t have any scenes together. Tierney tried to make small talk about sports, and Wheaton was like “Uh, sorry, not that into sports.” Tierney replies, “What are ya? Some kind of f*g?” Fortunately, a PA rescued Wheaton after that question and they never spoke again.
tl;dr Shut up, Wesley
If I had a dollar every time I heard him say that word I’d be rich. He used it alllllllll theeeeeeee timeeeeeeeeee!!!!
I normally don’t care a whit about what celebrities do in their personal lives or behind the scenes, but Lawrence Tierney is the exception. If you’re watching a movie or a TV episode with Tierney in it, and it has DVD commentary from the cast and crew, WATCH THAT SHIT, ‘cause you will hear some fine anecdotes, my friends. Everyone who worked with the guy seemed to agree that he was both terrifying and befuddling in equal measure.
Someone made a short movie based on the Tube Bar prank calls. Tierney played Red. Weak film but perfect casting. (Red also happens to be the inspiration for Moe’s violent responses to Bart’s pranks).If you’ve never heard the Tube Bar prank calls, this video uses the actual audio, and you should listen to it. Warning for excessive profanity and racial slurs.
I looked up the audio once, oh its so clear Matt Groaning was a fan of those tapes. Ah the memories.
Fun fact: ‘Marge Be Not Proud’ was the first Simpsons Christmas episode since the very first episode, ‘Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire’ – SEVEN seasons later! By contrast, the most recent season had not one but TWO Christmas episodes – the second of which aired in May.
We could have really used Christmas 2 this year
I believe all of this. Everyone has a horror story about him. Eddie Muller the TCM host has one hell of a story having to babysit him at a film showing in the late 1990s. Its a read and a half. https://www.eddiemuller.com/tierney.html
Excellent read. Thanks for the link.
Your welcome. Its because of that article that I just kinda believe most stories about Lawrence Tierney. I feel bad for anyone who had to work with him.
Indeed. That there’s some mighty writin’. Thanks so much.
Toby? Who the fuck is Toby? Oh, Toby was this little Chinese girl, what was her last name?Chu, Toby Chu?Wong!
I’ll have to check out that episode.
Jesus. I just read his wikipedia page and even though he’s dead I’m still scared of him.
I know that they talked about the answering machine bit on the DVD commentary because I haven’t been able to see that scene in over a decade without imagining Bill and Josh having to sit there in the booth giving Marge’s side of the call, turning the whole bit into a straight conversation.
It seems that everyone who met Laurence Tierney has a Laurence Tierney story.Not a bad legacy.
Oddly absent, as far as I have been able to tell, is Hill Street Blues, which you’d think would have been a rich vein of Tierney stories. (He played the desk sergeant toward the end, and, in as part of an overlooked candidate for most perfect final scenes of TV history, actually spoke the last lines of the show.) I wonder if it was a relatively sober period in his life or something. Booze seems to have been a running theme in freeing the monster within from its chains…
One of my favorite stories about the guy was back in the day he was drinking at a bar in New York. He gets up off his bar stool and says “I think I’m having a heart attack. Call me a cab!” Walks outside to wait for the cab, falls to the ground due to an alcohol poisoning related myocardial infarction. The cab is substituted by an ambulance. One week later, walks into the bar and is asked wht the fuck is he doing there: “I left my drink here, and I came back for it..”
At one point he was banned from every single licenced premises in the NYC area, and there is a famous pic of him being hauled in by the cops after a bar fight, blood running from his head and looking absolutely dreadful. Found it. And if you go looking there are worse ones from other brawls.
It looks like the experience of breaking up that fight gave the cop the thousand-yard stare.
Tierney was infamous for starting fights in bars and, when the cops turned up, whaling in on them. Amazing he lasted as long as he did.
Since they had Tierney in the sound booth, and they had the script in front of him, would it have killed them to have him also take a pass at recording the Lee Carvallo voice? Him saying “You have entered Power Drive” would be glorious.
All Tierney horror aside, which I really appeciate, this episode really makes me miss my mom.
That’s right, Don Brodka.