So, here's what we know about the convoluted alien plot behind those weird monoliths
Aux Features Aux
There are new developments in the case of that strange metal structure discovered in a remote stretch of Utah desert. First up, we know how it disappeared. Second, another one a lot like the original was found in Romania. Lastly, a bunch of theories have been going around regarding where these things came from—and, having looked them over, we can now assert with 100% confidence that every mundane explanation is part of a decoy meant to throw us off our understanding that these structures are clear evidence of an alien plot to overthrow our planet.
Some will point to the story of the Utah monolith’s removal, captured and described on Instagram by Ross Bernards, as evidence that no extraterrestrials were involved. Bernards writes that he saw a group of four men push the monolith over, disassemble it, and take it away on Friday night. One of them said “this is why you don’t leave trash in the desert” while he worked and, as they left, another said, “Leave no trace.” Their motivation seems, on the surface at least, to be a desire not to have crowds of people driving and walking all over a beautiful stretch of landscape.
In reality, these people were obviously plainclothes G-Men, working under the orders of the Reptilian/Human Coalition to remove the monolith before it could be studied by free citizens who might uncover the secrets of its technology and reverse-engineer that exoscience into weapons allowing us to fight back against the coming invasion.
Fortunately, we still have time to study another monolith. In a video narrated by a robot news anchor (how curious), we’re given information about the second monolith discovered in Romania.
This one is slightly different than the first, but both are obviously crafted by either the spindly fingers of the bulb-eyed greys who toil beneath the command of the Reptilian/Human Coalition or their agent, the late minimalist artist John McCracken. A New York Times article about the Utah monolith describes the reasons why many now think McCracken may have created these structures. While some of those who knew him doubt that these would be McCracken’s work, the artist’s son, Patrick, told the Times that one evening in 2002, “We were standing outside looking at the stars and he said something to the effect of that he would like to leave his artwork in remote places to be discovered later.”
The blind masses of sheeple, ready to be herded into alien holding cells once the invasion takes place, will say that this story explains the monoliths as the result of secretive artistic creations. But, Patrick McCracken also says that his father “was inspired by the idea of alien visitors leaving objects that resembled his work, or that his work resembled” and that his dad “believed in advance alien races that were able to visit earth.”
“To his mind, these aliens had been visiting Earth for a very long time and they were not malevolent,” he adds. “They wanted to help humanity to get past this time of our evolution where all we do is fight each other.”
All signs, then, point to McCracken having been employed as a hapless tool of the Reptilian/Human Coalition—a utopian thinker who could be persuaded by a hulking alligator-man and his army of little grey servants into believing he was building their works to help usher in an era of peace. We’re more realistic. Having discovered the evidence thus far, we can only conclude that McCracken went rogue at some point, installing monoliths around the globe in hopes of averting the invasion he may have assisted under false pretenses before the horrible truth of the alien plot was revealed to him.
Or, again, this might all be a viral marketing stunt.
[via Vice]
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38 Comments
it’s totally a cybertruck “viral” campaign, right?
I look forward to the 10-episode Hulu miniseries about this, with Brian Cox playing the titular role.
I hope the miniseries is livened up by unseemly anecdotes from the McCracken family black sheep, Phil.
There used to be a Vancouver-based punk band called the McRackins, one of them was named Fil.
gotta use caulk to Phil McCracken
Surely we don’t need as accomplished of an actor to play a metal monolith. All he has to do is stand there!
It’s the role Vin Diesel was born to play!
Brian Cox the actor or Brian Cox the physicist?Because I can see this going either way.
This is a marketing stunt for the Go Daddy super bowl commercial, mark my words
Similarly, I was going to say this MUST be about promoting the limited-time return of the McRib. What Patrick McCracken has been paid not to tell you until later this week is that his father would eat tons of McRibs. Like yards and yards of McRibs.
Monoliths, Schmonoliths…They stole our Wooden Penis!
https://www.thelocal.de/20201201/mystery-in-germany-who-stole-bavarias-giant-wooden-penis
“We give you two, TWO, of our finest art objects. Enjoy! But we are, ah, taking this giant wooden dick for, like, no reason. BYE!”
So, after reading this, I started swatting at fruit flies in my kitchen with a ballpoint pen. I then threw my pen up and watched it rotate in the air with apparently significant symbolic import before it came back down and landed on my head. Is this the beginning of the next evolutionary step or have I just been at home too long?
It can be two things.
Have to stop calling this a monolith. The “-lith” suffix denotes “stone” (Neolithic: new stone age). And, since these are apparently built from multiple pieces, the “mono-” is incorrect as well.
What we have is a six-sided metal structure. Since it is likely hollow, I think we can assert that this is a Ravioli.
Shouldn’t it be filled with cheese or maybe a nice pumpkin filling if it’s ravioli?
reversevampires.gif
We haven’t even looked on the moon yet, much less checked Jupiter’s orbit!
“Leave no trace.”I’ve seen a photo, and apparently they left the bottom plate behind.Also, the Romanian monolith has also disappeared. Check your sources.
So the most likely story here is that an art installation was destroyed all because some cops couldn’t refrain from posting to social media about it because haha, aliens, which created a risk to social media users who can’t be trusted not to strand themselves in the wilderness because haha, Instagram likes? Great job, humanity.
Like the first hikers who stumbled on it weren’t also going to post it.
Presumably, those hypothetical hikers don’t have a public safety mandate and a PR department that could say, “Remember when they had to relocate the “Into the Wild” bus because a shitload of taxpayer money was being spent rescuing idiots who went looking for it?”
I prefer blaming cops.
But if an art installation exists in the desert where nobody can see it, is it truly an art installation?
You know “how it disappeared” or you know “that it disappeared”? Nothing in the linked article makes sense with the former wording.
My money is on…
If we encounter aliens and they look anything like that, there will be war. As in the hand-picked ambassador, selected for his gentle personality and open-minded nature, would scream and try to smash that fucking thing with literally anything nearby.That image is nightmare fuel.
Is that from that Outer Limits with Bruce Dern?
You have to ask yourself why the DEEP STATE refuses to test the plywood interior of the monolith to see if it came from alien trees.
Why are they called monoliths when there’s more than one of them? Lets ask Phoebe Bridger and Phoebe Waller-Bridge!
Brilliant! Thanks for this article – I need the laugh today!
I, for one, welcome my new Reptilian overlords. Trust me when I say I’ll be waiting, feet in the sand, for them to swoop in and take me up to their alien circus world. In the meantime, I might just go for a swim instead. The solitude of the ocean.
I await Donald Trump’s tweet-storm that these monoliths were how the Democrats stole the election.
So this is for the McRib right?
probably some marketing bullshit for a movie that is coming or an app or some other boring shit
Shocking news…
A group of straight white men takes the law into their
own hands, go out of their way to tramp into the same environment they are claiming to protect, remove and destroy something they had no authority
over, justify their actions as right and correct due to their past membership in the Boy Scouts, dis-allowing the federal government to deal
with it as they are lawfully empowered to do.
Totally fine.
Without the federal government to regulate our metallic alien phalluses, I don’t know who to trust.
I just heard today that the Utah one was already visible on Google Earth in summer 2019, which if true, would seem to be a convoluted marketing campaign, and not a viral one?