Something is bothering me and I don’t know where else to turn. I’m a bisexual man. I’ve been married to a great guy for the past six years. Despite COVID, we gathered safely for an outdoors Thanksgiving dinner with my family. My mom, my brother and sister-in-law, and my adult nieces and nephews and their partners were there. Each household contributed to the feast and we had a wonderful evening. While my husband and I were snuggling in bed later he said that my casserole was a big hit thanks to the “secret ingredient.” When I asked what he meant, he informed me that he had deposited my come from a blowjob he’d given me earlier that day in my half-finished casserole. When I asked why he did this, he said he thought it was hot and he was aroused watching my family ingest it. To me, this seems a bit twisted and feels like a deeply disrespectful act toward my family. Now I cannot sleep and it is impossible for me to think of anything else. I wish he had never told me. I am writing to you as I don’t know where else to turn.
Confused And Shuddering Sleeplessly, Entirely Revolted Over Loaded Entrée
Some letters you suspect are fake, some letters you know are fake, and some letters you hope are fake. I wish I could say this letter fell into the second category—a letter I knew to be fake—but I once got a letter from a man who would excuse himself at dinner parties, quickly rub one out in the bathroom, and then dip the bristles of his hosts’ toothbrushes in his semen. (That was twenty years ago, and I still secure my toothbrush in a secret, undisclosed location whenever we have company.) So as much as I wished we lived in a world where something like this could never happen, CASSEROLE, we sadly don’t live in that world.
That said… some details don’t add up. I’ve been on the receiving end of plenty of blowjobs in my time, CASSEROLE, and there are tells when a guy doesn’t swallow. A man who’s holding your load in his mouth has a certain look; his mouth and jaw are set in a particular and revealing way. There’s also no post-blowjob kissing or snuggling. And if you were to say, “Thank you, that was great,” and they hummed back, “Mmm-hmm,” instead of saying, “You’re welcome,” you would immediately know the guy didn’t swallow. And yet you would have us believe that your husband somehow gave you a blowjob and somehow didn’t swallow your load without you noticing and then… what? He strolled around the house with a mouth full of come until the opportunity to defile your casserole presented itself?
Then again… impromptu blowjobs sometimes happen, CASSEROLE, and they sometimes happen in kitchens. So I suppose it’s possible your husband interrupted you while you were making a casserole and then quickly leaned over and spat your load into your casserole and managed to give it quick stir… without you noticing the spit or the stir? Sounds improbable… but I suppose your husband could have created a diversion that took your attention off him and that mouthful of come and your casserole long enough to execute the spit-and-stir maneuver undetected. Perhaps he pointed at something outside the window or tossed a flash-bang grenade into the dining room.
But even if he did all of this—blew you, didn’t swallow, created a diversion, spat your semen into a casserole you planned to share with your entire family—would he tell you about it? The guy who was glazing his friend’s toothbrushes didn’t brag to his friends about it. He wrote to me about it, described it as a compulsion, and asked me how to stop. That your husband would be so clueless as to think you wouldn’t be revolted and upset by this is, if you’ll forgive me, a little hard to swallow.
Still… your nieces and nephews are adults, so it’s possible you and your husband are getting up there in years, and he could be suffering from early-onset dementia; inappropriate sexual behavior and poor impulse control can be early symptoms.
So on the off, off, off chance this actually happened, CASSEROLE, here’s my advice: If your husband spat your load into a half-finished casserole and then watched your whole family consume it and then assumed you would think it was hot, CASSEROLE, then you absolutely, positively need to divorce him. Let us count the ways you can’t trust this man: You can’t trust him with your semen; you can’t trust him not to feed your come to your mother; you can’t trust him around your siblings and nieces and nephews. You can’t even leave him in the company of an unaccompanied casserole. So unless you looked into his eyes on your wedding day and thought, “This is a guy who would feed a woman her own son’s semen and I’m fine with that,” your husband isn’t the “great guy” you thought he was. He’s a monster and what he did unforgivable, even criminal. Divorce the asserole. You might want to consider calling the cops and pressing charges for sexual assault—here’s hoping you saved some of the casserole for DNA testing—but you’ll have to weigh involving the police against burdening your mother with the knowledge of your Thanksgiving casserole’s secret ingredient.
P.S. A casserole is really more of a side dish at Thanksgiving, isn’t it?
Forgive my English. I write from Italy. I’m a quarter of a century old and I have been with my girlfriend for seven years. I can’t tell you how long the “sex high” lasted—the time when she wanted to have sex as often as possible—but it was maybe three years. Now if she’s stressed, if we are not in a bed, if she hasn’t just shaved her legs, if she’s just woken up, if she’s nervous for any reason at all, she doesn’t want to have sex. I’m not one of those men who thinks exclusively about his own pleasure. I have asked her if she has any fantasies. She does not. I have asked her if I should be doing anything different. She says not. She doesn’t masturbate, she doesn’t watch porn. I purchased a sex toy for us. She will not touch it. And when I try to talk to her, she says that her sexuality is none of my business. I am miserable. I don’t know what to do. She says I am “ fixated on sex” and that there is more to life than that. I jerk off a lot, of course, which she only just started to accept. At first she considered it equivalent to cheating. Is it wrong to end a relationship of seven years because of a matter of different views on sex? I love her so much and leaving would be hard. Please help me.
Who Has Yearnings
Forgive my bluntness: Either your girlfriend never liked sex all that much or, after seven years, she’s no longer excited by sex with you. If she were willing to talk about it, WHY, you might be able to do something about it; you might be able to revive your sex life by trying new things together, experimenting with toys, having adventures. But she’s made it clear she’s not interested in discussing things, much less doing things. And while she doesn’t think her sexuality is any of your business, she clearly sees your sexuality as her business, e.g., until recently she thought you were cheating on her when you jerked off… which is kind of nuts, considering how infrequently she wants to fuck you.
There’s nothing wrong with ending a sexually exclusive relationship when the sex doesn’t work and your partner couldn’t care less that you’re unhappy and only grudgingly allows you to masturbate. As much as you love her, it’s not working and it’s only going to get worse. You’re at once every two weeks now and will soon be down to once a month, then once every three months, then once a year. Eventually you’ll cheat on her out of sheer desperation and the breakup won’t just be painful, WHY, it will be messy and painful and you’ll be cast as the bad guy. Don’t wait for your dick to slam itself down on the self-destruct button. End it now.
P.S. Your English is so much better than my Italian!
A personal note: Allena Gabosch was a towering figure in Seattle’s sex-positive community. She co-founded Seattle’s Beyond The Edge Café, which quickly became a warm and welcoming home for Seattle’s queer, kink, and poly communities. She went on to lead Seattle’s Sex Positive Community Center, a.k.a. “The Wet Spot,” and helped launch the Seattle Erotic Arts Festival. She was a gifted public speaker, a tireless advocate, and a hilarious storyteller with a giving and generous spirit. She also made the best chocolate chip cookies in town. Allena will be missed and she will be remembered. My condolences to her many friends and many families.
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104 Comments
Dang, sorry about your loss.WHY’s letter…the thought of being in a serious relationship from age 18-25 honestly blows my mind. Then again, being in a serious relationship from age 30-31 also blows my mind.
I agree. I went sexless during those years without the strain of a relationship.
My wife and I started dating when we 18, which was 29 years ago.I guess it is pretty weird. (We didn’t get married until our late 20’s).
Mind blown, but also, if it works that’s awesome! I do have a friend who got married straight out of college – literally 3 months after graduation – and she’s quite happy.
Two things:1. It’s cum.2. I’m stealing Loaded Entrée as my drag name. Also, “quarter of a century old”? File this 25 year old who’s upset he and his girlfriend aren’t fucking like 18 year olds anymore to the “some letters you know are fake” bin.
but….the metric system?
Everything is downhill after 0.03 kiloyears.
Are you rounding?
hmm, the casserole thing. Occasionally these stories do appear, spitting in their flatmate’s coffee, jacking off in to a workmate’s sandwich, that kind of thing. When I was down south, far south somewhere in the global south and surrounded by the local indigenous people, a small group of us were consuming some kind of animal roasting over a fire, probably beef. I don’t often eat meat but I’d taken a small portion to be polite. I’d had a few bitefuls. The chef looked at me and said something like ‘they are consuming me’. I put my fork down. Looked around. The group were tucking in to their meals, enjoying themselves. I didn’t need to ask what he’d meant, I simply knew.
That was terribly racist of you to project your colonialist Western values onto that poor indigenous chef. You should have eaten his cum and be grateful for what little his tribe could spare.
You, sir, will have your mouth forcibly washed out with soap if you say that to me again.
I accept that he may have basted the meat cut with his semen. They were paid for the meal.
I get the difference between projection and listening.
“I get the difference between projection and listening.”Do you? I’m not sure many people’s automatic reaction would be “he wanked all over the meat”.
Let me put it this way, I don’t think about wanking in meat marinade. Not ever. It is not even on my radar. Why would I project that on to anyone?
The closest analogue I can think of is an urban legend I heard as a tween about employees coming in the coleslaw at KFC. It would be strange for that story to bubble up to my awareness and then for me to project it out in the middle of a village in some southern place, far from KFC and a long since forgotten memory, as I was enjoying a meal of beef and vegies.
The synergy between story and username is unsettling.
….you think??
The chef looked at me and said something like ‘they are consuming me’.I’m not sure I would take that literally, especially if there was a language barrier. It would be like a chef saying “I put my heart into this meal”, or Catholics chasing the body of Christ with His blood every Sunday.
Hmm, that’s interesting. For an indigenous person, literal would make more sense than metaphorical. This was not a catholic reared on symbol and imagery and myth. He was a villager turning a cut of meat over a fire.
For an indigenous person, literal would make more sense than metaphorical.Oh no, we’re doing the whole “indigenous people are super literal and don’t use abstractions, metaphors, or allegory” thing that makes this linguist’s teeth itch.
I’m saying more likely, yes. There’s a possibility he was a religious cook who, in that moment, had a moment of divine inspiration that he decided to share with me. And sometimes they do gross biological acts and rationalise them however they want after the fact, catholics included.In some ways, the contemporary world has become so layered with deceit and sophistication, that we are surprised when encountering outbreaks of this kind of thing.
I mean, look at casserole guy. Even if the letter is false, some mind dreamed that up. It hasn’t come from nowhere. Look at the countless news reports where this kind of behaviour is documented. *shrug*
you should check their iron levels
I feel like it’s weird to take “They are consuming me” from and ESL speaker to mean “I nutted in this” rather than the comparable English expression “I put my heart and soul into this,” but live your life.
Sure, it is possible that his moment of dark pleasure was derived from watching me/us eat his food. The story above is a subjective take, I didn’t ask questions or investigate further, and i’m comfortable with that.
I feel as if it’d be a wierd for a cook to think ‘I put my heart and soul into this’ about a random cut of meat, which he likely cooks day in day out. You’re welcome to doubt the man who was there in the moment, who has spent thousands of hours working in cross-cultural communication. You go and live your life, matey.
Did you check to make sure the chef had all his limbs?
Funnily enough something similar happened in the original draft of Temple of Doom , where Indy makes Willie eat the food the starving villagers prepare for them…” thats more than they’d see in a week , eat it and don’t offend them…”*(* this may not actually be true)
oh yeah, time I rewatched the Indiana Jones movies. Harrison Ford is an all time hottie.
Poor WHY isn’t going to get much attention after that first letter, is he?At any rate, while noting that no one is required to (nor should they) tell their SOs absolutely everything about their fantasy life, it’s not a good sign if your partner tells you that their sexuality is “none of your business.” Whose business is it then, the plumber?
I have a hard time seeing WHY getting much attention here, even if the first letter wasn’t a conversation starter.It’s funny, I’ve heard stuff like his GF’s “none of your business” before, from married couples where the wife is religious or otherwise sexually conservative. The attitude seems to be that sex is something you do (as in: with the lights off, missionary, and with no small bit of shame) but not something you’re ever supposed to communicate about or try to spice up or improve. It’s a “take it or leave it” proposition.But WHY is 25 years old and unmarried, so there seems to be very little reason to put up with any of that.
wow you really nailed the description of my cold forgotten married sex life.
Sorry to hear that. I always felt that this attitude was a a throwback to a time and/or place where marriage wasn’t entangled with the concept of romantic love, where people would get married off to people they hardly knew, and sex was an obligation of that contract.
There is so much baggage that people bring into the sexual parts of a marriage. The sex could be frequent and great in the begining but dry up after a while. lack of communication. dammage from repressive or abusive childhoods. stress of full time jobs and kids, weight gain and body image issues. chronic disease or chronic pain. overnight work schedules, PERFECTIONISM kills love sex and marriages. You can have lots at 22 and none at33, 44, or 55 years of age. Imagine if you were raised in a neglectful home and never saw anyone express feelings emotions or talk about personal things and were punished for that, you will not grow up to be openly communicative about your sex life with your partner. Religion destroys peoples sexuality. being raised from birth with all that evangelical purity garbage then get married before you are allowed to have sex then flip a switch into being sexual just does not happen easily. Religion repressed peoples ability to be open about they sexuality so there are people in hetero marriages that should not be but thier religion keeps them in the closet. These are the things I have learned through 2 bad marriages.
“My sexuality is none of your business” is extreme but I can definitely see partners who would say “my kinks are none of your business” and maybe in some cases that’s the smart thing to do if they don’t want to rock the boat of an otherwise solid relationship.
That’s not universally ideal (some get more obsessive about their fetishes than others which leads to resentment) but if they’re the kind of person who can live without or satisfy that need through their imagination or porn, maybe it’s okay?
I’d buy that if WHY was prying into specific fetishes, but his girlfriend sounded like she was saying that to shut down any conversations about sex, whatsoever. I suspect most people have at least some fantasies or kinks they don’t feel comfortable sharing with their partner. But if your partner asks “What can I do to please you?” and the answer is “None of your business!” there isn’t any path forward. You don’t have to release your every secret to your partner, but you have to be able to say something.
On the one hand, CASSEROLE’s story seems to have some narrative gaps in it. On the other hand, most of the times when a letter here sounds fake, there’s some sense to it. Someone trying to manipulate Dan into giving some self-interested kind of advice. Someone writing a bit of amateur porn and getting off on people reading it as if it were real.I’m not sure what would motivate someone to write that letter (although admittedly, I’m not too clear on the motivation for someone to jizz on their hosts’ toothbrushes, either). The letter condemns the kink expressed in it, and isn’t terribly strong on a porn level. The writer would have to be turned on by the thought of all of us being sympathetic to his disgusted main character who’s had a gross (but fictional) prank played on him and his family? That doesn’t scan. Maybe the writer’s trying to make us scared of holiday casseroles? To be quite honest, with the way things are shaping up pandemic-wise, I’m not sure this letter would have the desired effect—I’m kind of nostalgic for awful (but obviously not jizzed-on) holiday casseroles right now. They’re a reminder of a more normal life that seems really far away right now.In any case, I guess my vote is that the letter’s probably true, and the letter writer should start aggressively shopping for divorce attorneys. LW’s husband is either mentally disturbed or trying to provoke a breakup.
I would argue that “condemns the kink expressed in it” is more an argument for it being someone’s fetish fan fiction than against. Condemnation of the perversion is a huge part of a lot of fetish turn ons, or at least I’ve heard…. from a friend. A very distant friend.
I know that we’ve seen that in fake, porn-y letters to Dan before, but those letters (at least the ones I’ve thought were fake) were from the perspective of the kinkster who is discovered and humiliated by a disapproving partner, and featured a little too much detail of the humiliation and disapproval for it not to be part of the story’s porn value, as well. But look at LW#1’s letter. If it’s supposed to be porn, it’s the worst porn ever written. If this was written by someone whose fetish is getting humiliated by their partner, at what point in this story is the reader supposed to start wanking? The fateful blowjob is so vague that Dan has to guess at the details of the act (maybe he blew you in the kitchen, near the casserole?). The offending husband’s humiliating words are paraphrased, not quoted. I’ve read bad porn before, but I’ve never read bad porn that failed because it left too much to the imagination.
I don’t know that the LW is jerking off to this, but it reads more like the sort of thing a teenage boy would think of to gross his friends out. And if the goal is just “be attention-grabbing” it certainly succeeds at that. It might be less like a letter to Penthouse and more like a letter to Dear Abby asking what kind of wine goes with chicken nuggets and cocaine: just dickin’ around on the internet.
We can’t know, but I lean fake. Dan raises some solid points (seriously, just imagine the step by step logistics of this from the spitter’s perspective), but also, just imagine being married for six years and having no idea that your partner is into non-consensual incestuous jizz play. And then you find out not because of your crack investigative work because he just casually drops it on you after doing it to your family without telling you first. He’s simultaneously amazing and terrible at keeping secrets. The people who were unknowingly married to serial killers must have overlooked fewer red flags.
Your point makes sense. However, as to your last remark, I have several times read bad porn that was clearly written by someone with little to no understanding of actual sexual mechanics, which attempted to cover up that fact by leaving far, far too much to the imagination….Or so I’ve heard, once again from my quite distant friend.
I don’t think it’s supposed to be porn, I think it’s supposed to be trolling Dan.
A friend who has absolutely no interest in tall, sexy leather boots. Or playing doctor in the aforementioned sexy boots, of course.
Speaking of toothbrushes … I have a habit which I’ve been told is weird, but whenever I’m in a hotel and I need to leave the room for housekeeping … I always *always* take my toothbrush, bottle of mouthwash and my loofah out of the bathroom and stash away out of sight. Just cos I’m paranoid doesn’t mean I really have nothing to fear ….
I think it’s weirder that you bring a loofah rather than the fact that you hide it. The whole point of a hotel is that it’s your house, but everything is shittier and you still feel compelled to steal it. What you should be doing is hiding the soap so you get at least one wrapped one you can put in your bag without getting soap scum everywhere.
There’s been a disturbing trend of hotels moving away from those prepackaged little soaps, and toward pumps of bodywash and liquid soap that would work quite well with a loofah. But yeah, I’d have a hard time bringing a loofah to a place where I wouldn’t want it making contact with any exposed surface, period.
I, um, can’t have a shower without using a loofah or some sort of body sponge / bathing gloves. Something to scrub my skin with. So i invariably have to pack one on my travels. And for some reason (must be my face, and my habit of walking ‘with my nose in the air’ as I’m often told) I often get scowled at by hotel cleaners when i step out of my room into the corridor.My paranoid fear is that the hotel room cleaner will think “They aren’t paying me enough to clean this asshole’s scummy shower and toilet …” and may proceed to accidentally knock my toothbrush and loofah into the toilet bowl … or use them to scrub the inner rims of the toilet bowl … or pee in my mouthwash … or …
Do the hotels you stay in not have washcloths?
Never used a washcloth in my life. Would rather not start by using a hotel one that’s been tainted by a thousand taints …
“The whole point of a hotel is that it’s your house, but everything is shittier and you still feel compelled to steal it.”
I love that observation!
I buy new loofahs whenever I travel because I don’t feel like I get clean enough with just soap. So, I’m that guy.
As the saying goes, even paranoid people have real enemies.
I can think of two possible motivations for a fake letter:1) It’s a hard-breathing letter. The writer gets off on the idea of family members ingesting his fluids (or generic family members ingesting each other’s fluids), but wrote in the boyfriend to make the scenario more morally palatable; the scenario still transpires, but the “hero” of the story is completely innocent. (Once, years ago, I read a message board post where the author claimed to be secretly feeding his semen to an unwitting person. I hope he was lying, but either way, between him and Dan’s toothbrush guy, this appears to be a kink/fetish.)2) The letter writer wants to make a special casserole of his own and was hoping against hope that Dan would give him some sort of permission. Or, the LW has already done something like this and blamed a third party so Dan wouldn’t spend the entire response yelling at the LW.
Ooh. #2 is a good one.
Unless you’re invited to dinner.
Touche. I meant from the perspective that the story is written to build sympathy for the LW/victim, perhaps in the hopes that Dan would respond with a “It’s not so bad/It’s just semen/I mean, you cooked the casserole, didn’t you?” kind of response to comfort the distraught LW. That’s definitely plausible.
oh look, in Australia they have this brand of body wash called Cetaphil, and it’s basically like a pharmacy standard wash that’s simple and easy on the skin. Its texture was semen-like, white and soapy, indistinguishable from semen unless I were to smell or taste it… which i’m not gonna do with shower wash.
So when I was in my 20’s I would use it to get clean, but there was always this off feeling with my housemate, y’know, like, he’d look at me with this wierd grin. There was that moment of hesitation as I reached to pump the bottle in the shower. I honestly don’t know if he jacked off in my shower soap, he probably did as he went on to leave voicemessages on my phone for a good year, and then Facebook message me intermittently for years after that (he’s probably reading this now), but I reached the conclusion that if he did, then I’d damn well wash myself down with it anyway and not live my life afraid of creepy housemates.
We have cetaphil in the states as well and frankly there isn’t any detrimental thing you can do with it. It has actual cleansers in it, it’s kind of why i’m never worried about any liquid soaps a weird fuck may do something with, it’s still 80% soap, it’s really 100% soap. Shake it up, wait 5 minutes, it’s neutralized basically any biologicals as long as they didn’t have an STI/STD and if they do and do that they’re monsters and criminals.
it was a gross moment in my life that I’m happy is over, SuzyQ. The flatmate was a drunk, guitar-playing, wild Irish Catholic homo. If he’d been stable I would’ve considered something more. I had furniture and couldn’t get out of there, so I had to bite my tongue, yell in to my pillow, and not think too much about what was happening around me. I don’t use cetaphil anymore either, expensive shower gel now, definitely something we do in our 20’s and then learn from.
I’m all about cheap shower gel that smells good because good perfume lasts all day. But to each their own. ^_^
mine is organic Australian stuff, moving up in the world huh. I like that scent ya get after taking a shower and walk out flushed and steamy.
Oh, I totally get it but i’m a night shower type so it’s rare I shower in the morning but I get the appeal. I just hate having clothes stick to me when I’m still damp. So, I’ve learned to spend a bit on really good perfume which lasts all day and i’m still clean.
oh ok. I’m a shower shower fellow. I take a shower whenever I want. If someone makes me feel bad, I take a shower. Sometimes I do just for the sake of showering. I like the feeling, and I do my best thinking when surrounded by water. buut, when i’m in a regular routine I shower twice a day, in the morning and at night.
What do you do for work if you don’t shower in the morning, if you don’t mind me asking? Men sweat more than women so we gotta be more focused on the daily routine.
Researcher, data analyst. Even before the pandemic I was largely working from home most days. I go running at lunch and then bike after work, so I generally wake up smelling fine but by 7p if I’m going out I’ll shower again. I’m sorry that you need to shower if somebody makes you cry. :(But yeah, I don’t actually sweat much except when I run and I keep my food mostly unprocessed so I have very little odor problems. In my early 20s I ate horribly and inhaled fast food and it was terrible…But I lost 100 lbs in the last few years and took care of myself again and it solved everything. Back down to a size 10 (I’m also 5’11”). But yeah, I like rolling out of bed, grabbing a drink, and sitting down at my PC to work rather than showering and getting dressed. I usually end up half dressed sitting in just my bra or cami until 11:30 when I hit lunch then I’ll finish getting dressed and go do my thing.
yeah it’s easier I guess working from home. I usually work in a classroom (teacher) so I need to stay fresh and focused. I’m on a break currently because of the coronavirus, and I’m changing a few things. Me time.
I’m going to postgrad in 2021, so that will be a new challenge for me.
What kind of data are you working with?
woa woah there SuzyQ, I didn’t say cry. If someone makes me feel bad, like they stare at me too long sometimes i’ll take a shower, without thinking about what i’m doing. My weight has never been a problem (i’m a dude), my body is naturally healthy, at most I vary 5 or 10 kgs. I didn’t exactly look after myself in my 20’s, but I wouldn’t say I was out of control either. Mostly just trying to find a way for myself in a tough world, y’know. I go through stints, if I need to drink, I’ll drink. If I need McDonalds, I’ll do that. In November I had a spontaneous one month wine drinking binge, all a bit of a blur but sometimes in life you gotta do that. How far do you run and cycle?
No, I get it, if you’re in a place to binge there isn’t a problem. ^_^So, short list: I started working mostly in oil and gas but 6 month contracts crunching oilfield sites for RoI was more problematic because I’m both a devout environmentalist and every time I felt I was finally going to be made permanent they let my contract expire and picked a dude to replace me. Sexism ran strong in that industry.So I ended up taking a public health job where I get paid about 80% of what I got paid but I’m now a state employee and I’m working on cancer research with some COVID-19 work on the side. Ad for running and biking, I usually run 3-4 miles a day and 10-30 miles depending on the weather. I probably bike about 50-70 miles a week though with it getting super cold I’m down to 20-30. Still running outside but I’m in full sweats and a parka some days. 😛
I’m safe where I am until the new year, then with hope international travel will resume and there’ll be a few more jobs on the market. Safe enough to drink wine and swim and wander the beach, enjoying the summer warmth without needing to cater to anyone by myself for a change. a first, for me.
Not good to hear about the oilfield sites but stability has gotta trump pay. Cancer and epidemiology sounds interesting enough, and working from home is the future. No travel time, pajamas all day if you choose, lunch break when you want, a lot of benefits. When i’m fully fit I usually run 10 km (6.2 miles) for one hour in the afternoons, or 3 km (1.86 miles) in the pool for one hour, for cardio health. I’m in a bit of an in-between space at the moment, so exercise is not my number one priority, trying to rediscover my oomph. Soon enough I’ll begin the personal training regime.
Have you tried swimming? My sister is really into fitness cycling but I never got into it, too many hills, lots of danger from cars or stacking it, i’d rather be in the water.
People write fake letters for all kinds of reasons. Why did someone write the fake ass ‘twincest’ letter to old Prudy? Why does nuPru write all kinds of fake letters to himself? Well ok #2 is easy it’s so he still has a column.Someone might just have wanted to see what kind of weird, fake shit Dan would post. The writer doesn’t need to have an agenda, people have been faking shit for the entirety of history just to fake shit.
Is semen vegan?
I would guess that depends on how humanely it’s harvested.
I don’t know about humane, but the angrier it’s harvested, the better.
*gulp* (and not semen, angry or otherwise)
If it weren’t an hour until midnight and I didn’t have class in the morning, you can absolutely bet I’d be scouring the internet to figure out how one inhumanely harvests human semen. The thought of it is equal parts horrifying and fascinating.
Seriously hoping for an answer. This could turn my whole vegan-world upside down.
Hard disagree. “Person does something secretly disgusting to unsuspecting victim” is an urban legend staple. The point is to squick people out and make everyone who has every participated in a potluck wonder what it is they ate. See also “toothbrush in the anus” and “fast food worker befouls an order.”
I’m not sure what would motivate someone to write that letterI know this is Savage Love, but we don’t have to leap straight to psychosexual fetish analysis to try and explain why someone would write a fake letter in. It’s entirely plausible that it’s just a bored troll who felt like trying to prank Dan Savage, and that there’s otherwise no sexual element to this whatsoever.
You’re right, it could be a random person just gratified to pull a fast one on Dan. But if so, it’s a damn weird letter. Online trolls’ use of language is strangely consistent, like someone wrote a douchebag Strunk & White for all of them to follow, and this letter just hits the wrong notes. It’s empathetic where a letter of this type would usually focus on anger, fear, or disgust.Of course, another option is that the hoax is just further up the chain, and the husband simply thought it would be funny to tell his spouse that he spit ejaculate into the casserole. People are weird. It’s probably just that simple.
Urgh! It really should have been that first letter attributed to someone called WHY – as in – why the fuck did that story have to be visited on us?Just – yuck! Putting me right off my Rice Krispies …
Whoa, way to overreact to a little cum. As long as it was placed there before the casserole was cooked, who gives a shit? If the person I love confessed to that, I’d either have a 3 second lol or meh and move on.
Dammit. Now I’m going to be slightly disappointed every time a blowjob doesn’t end with the blower tossing a flash bang. Look forward to my anonymous letter in the future!
And then, as the ringing and afterimage gradually fade, you get to figure out where they hid the semen.
Obviously I can’t state with absolute certainty that flash bang grenades enhance the blowjob experience, but then neither can someone else state with absolute certainty that flash bang grenades *don’t* enhance the blowjob experience.
I have to say, I don’t think I’d trust anybody’s impulse control enough for them to have their teeth near my junk when a grenade goes off. Except a police horse, maybe, but that’s a whole other thing.
I like the flashbang bit. That’s good value add right there. No one was expecting it, and yet there is a hint of plausibility. Well-done.
“and then she lights the bed on fire”“is she a pro?”“at this point we don’t know!”
“Let us count the ways you can’t trust this man”Let us count the ways the Catholic Church fucked people up by laying on the possibility they they were irredeemable and beyond hope. This guy played a sick joke. He’s not a serial rapist or a monster. Divorce is a big fucking deal. If he was a “great guy” for thirty years and a frat-house douche for sixty seconds, is it worth throwing it all away? Dan can be a real cold parish priest. Scratch that, the priests were better than that. This advice is some laiety wannabe rent-a-priest shit.
The most fucked up thing about the first letter is the gathering of a dozen people on Thanksgiving 2020, masks down, laughing and chomping away on a cum-soaked casserole while literally thousands of people die each day from a pandemic that is ravaging the country. The least we can do right now is not throw parties or force-feed each other cum.
They were just following the leads of our elected representatives!
You’re referring to the force-feeding each other cum, right?
Screaming. LOL.
Two things, etc.
You can fairly safely socially distance outside if the weather is warm. Transmission via surfaces appears to be very rare. If you have each household at a separate table and only have shared food at a serving table, there’s very little risk.
Maybe jiz-swallowing prevents transmission of COVID?Someone needs to tell Trump this. Tell him it’s better then hydroxychloriquine.
I don’t know why everyone is so focused on the semen. If the story went down like the letter says, there was also spit in the casserole. Having thought about it, I would rather consume someone’s semen than their spit. Especially during this pandemic.
Having thought about it, I would rather consume someone’s semen than their spit.I mean, really? While obviously not gobs of spit makes it into your mouth while you make out, certainly plenty of it is exchanged.
Spitting semen in someone else’s food is fucked up and sexually abusive. It’s not about whether or not it’s technically worse than spit. It’s about the feeling the letter writer’s husband got when he did it and about how the people who ate it would feel if they knew.
I wish CASSEROLE had signed off with your screename.
The unquestionable best thing about the end of this pandemic will be when virtue-signaling, self-aggrandizing, scare-zealots become extinct. You just read a story about someone cooking jiz into a casserole, and your first reaction was to “gathering shame”? Jesus . . . this year is the absolute fucking worst.
“unquestionable best thing” — as someone who has lost a good friend to Covid19 and watched another get so sick they told me they wanted to die, sincerely from the bottom of my heart, get fucked.
but I once got a letter from a man who would excuse himself at dinner parties, quickly rub one out in the bathroom, and then dip the bristles of his hosts’ toothbrushes in his semen Well, if ever there was a time for “Verdict: beaten to death with a rusty shovel,” seems like that’d be it.
I’ve been on the receiving end of plenty of blowjobs in my time, CASSEROLE
“Asserole” has to be a thing. I don’t even know what it should mean, but it’s got to mean something and enter the lexicon in all it’s effervescent majesty.
I am against the death penalty. However, people who put bodily fluids in other people’s food (I mean unasked for fluids) are about as close as I will come (lol!) to supporting capital punishment.They shouldn’t just divorce. That MFer needs to go to jail. It’s not “hot.” It’s criminal.
Who is sicker – The person adding his cum to a family meal or the person writing fake letters about it in order to get a tiny bit of attention?
It’s time for a fashionably late addition of Savage Nobody! The advice column that’s sorry for not popping in earlier but has been very tired the last few days! I recognize that most people probably have had all of their questions answered by this point in the day, but if you’re still perplexed by platypii or don’t know why you’re boyfriend didn’t put jizz in the casserole you worked so hard on, you’ve come to the right place!
If the first LW was a liar, I don’t know what would motivate them to lie. Their name isn’t attached to the letter, so it’s not bragging rights. There’s no advice they can obtain from talking about a fictional situation. I guess seeing revulsion in the comments? There’s easier ways to do that, if that’s your goal.
I do know some people get off on the idea of someone indirectly, accidentally brushing against or ingesting their genitals/pubes/bodily fluids (for example, that ‘pubes on the soda can’ court case from the…80’s? 90’s?), particularly someone who would never directly touch them sexually otherwise, but…I dunno. Even if it’s true, why?
So I guess the first letter writer in future should really hire a sex worker to make jizz-free casseroles for family gatherings?
I loved this week, Dan gave the exact right advice: the first guy is a sex predator if he exists and he didn’t tell the second guy to just go out and cheat!“my sex life is none of your business” is a long long way from the very accurate “my partner does not control my sex life or sexuality”…the first of these is something you say to your boss, not the person you are in a sexual relationship with. This whole “you can’t masturbate, that’s cheating” thing has really taken off, huh? We’re not even talking about opposing compulsive masturbation or porn addiction? Just flat out you can’t do that? That’s cray.Also I do think the first letter is fake.