Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers ask, "Really!?!," of the billionaires fleeing Earth in vanity rockets
Just a couple of earthbound millionaires shooting spitballs at sub-orbital billionaires
TV News Seth Meyers
After hosting Sir Richard Branson’s jaunt to outer space (kind of) on Sunday, Stephen Colbert welcomed his billionaire buddy to Tuesday’s Late Show for some earthbound gloating. (Branson even put his bare feet up on Colbert’s desk, which is the sort of thing that should get you duct-taped to your airplane seat, in accordance with sky law.) Similarly, the space-racing plutocrat responded to Colbert’s oh-so-gentle pushback in mentioning how all that first class luxury space tourist cash could be better used here on little old Earth by essentially telling those lowly not-riches that “they’re not fully educated.”
Well, over on Late Night With Seth Meyers, host Meyers brought in his own expert to skewer this whole suspiciously rushed fad of the super-wealthy seeing who can be first to slip the surly bonds of gravity, global warming, social unrest, and mutating viruses. And if former Weekend Update partner Amy Poehler isn’t a billionaire herself, she does okay enough to at least offer up another perspective from the rarified air of privilege, in the form of the duo’s resurgent “Really!?! With Seth And Amy” segment.
Now, nobody is saying that space exploration isn’t an essential step in humankind’s innate quest to understand the universe of which it is just one, lonely, seemingly insignificant speck, but, really? As Meyers kicked off, the “drag race to space” among unimaginably wealthy moguls like Branson, Jeff Bezos, and Elon Musk isn’t exactly a NASA fact-finding mission. “You didn’t go to outer space,” Meyers chided Branson for his beyond first-class chauffeured tour of the upper atmosphere, “you just went pretty high for a plane.” Poehler chimed in about the fact that no women are involved in this rocket-shaped dick-measuring contest since, “we’re stying down here because we have to fix all the things. We got shit to do down here.” Things like, as Poehler jabbed at noted loophole-leaper Bezos, trying to scrape up the extra revenue that these affluent tax dodgers spend instead on form-fitted space jumpsuits and aprés-flight champagne jams.
Sticking with dicks, Poehler got real about male billionaires’ obsession with seeing who can build the most powerful and girthy dick-shaped things (rockets, skyscrapers), noting that even Freud would ask, “You don’t need me for this, right?” Meyers also noted that it’s in no way suspect that the richest men in the world are exploring the feasibility of ditching Earth just when “it was 130 degrees in Death Valley and the ocean was on fire last week.” Really. Plus, as Poehler noted exhaustedly, you just know these glorified ballast-boys are going to return among us complaining about the “space lag” they just invented, and dropping the word “space” into conversation like a college kid who comes back from a semester in France with an accent. “I’m gonna take the dog for a space-walk—I mean walk,” Meyers anticipated the ensuing insufferableness. And don’t get Poehler started on the possibility—nay, probability—that one of these so-called astronauts is going to just “accidentally poke a hole in space,” leaving the rest of us to pay to plug it with those billionaires’ complete lack of taxes. It could happen. Really.
70 Comments
“Fleeing?” Ridiculous. There’s nowhere to go.
Yeah. The Earth is like an especially crummy Thunderdome. Eight billion enter, none of us leave.
Oh Michelle Fauxcault, can’t we get beyond especially crummy Thunderdome?
Only when sweet, sweet Death comes to take us to the great gig in the sky.
Shh, they don’t know that. Let them try to find someplace else.
The people who fantasize about space habitats and colonizing the moon or some shit are severely underestimating the ungodly amount of resources we spend just to keep a handful of people alive for a handful of months in a tiny, miserably uncomfortable space station.
Somehow I suspect that people who have been interested in space for so long that they’ve started space companies haven’t simply missed the teensy-tiny matter of the enormous difficulty of merely getting to – let alone staying in – space.
And yet they insist on wasting their–and our–fucking time on this nonsense.
Heh, yeah. Space is stupid. There’s zero reason to go there unless you’re rubbing it in a rival superpower’s face/showing that your rocket technology can put nukes into their capitol.
…Pretty much? I mean, sure, study the effects of zero-G environments on fungal growth or whatever, but is there a compelling reason for you or me or Richard Branson or anyone besides a small handful of highly trained researchers to visit? It’s like if a billionaire had invented a slightly more cost effective means of reaching Antarctica and everybody hailed him for his great technological achievement and for “democratizing” Antarctic travel. Sure, yeah, go nuts, but there’s not a whole lot there and you wasted a lot of resources getting there and you might freeze to death there, but congratulations…you’re there.
Once upon a time, the dream of going to space was lauded, we worshipped astronauts as heroes and it was a profession with universal respect. Now, because some unpalatable billionaires have taken pointless joyrides, the entire realm has been deemed a waste by snarky, unimaginative dipshits on the internet. I don’t care about Richard Branson’s sub-orbital joyride, which certainly seems like a dead end to my untrained eye, but the hip new take of “Space is bad, actually” pretty clearly exists exclusively in response to billionaires taking an interest, and it’s lame as hell.
I have nothing but respect for astronauts, and I don’t think space is either “bad” or “good.” It’s there. If you have worthwhile reason for going there, like conducting important research, sure, head on up. But I don’t think there’s any intrinsic value to simply being in space. I don’t think expanding out into space represents any sort of next step in human development and, given the numerous looming environmental, social, and economic crises we’re facing, I think our attention and resources are probably best directed at matters closer to home. By all means, launch probes and rovers, collect Venusian soil samples, search for signs of life on Europa and Titan, and keep building bigger and better space telescopes so that we can bring the stars closer to us…But do I think humans belong among the stars or indeed anywhere but the planet that birthed us? No, I’m afraid I don’t. At least not right now. If that makes me snarky, unimaginative dipshit, so be it.
Not to mention that the technology to reach, let alone colonise, other planets is a lot further away from us than looming climate disaster. While I rather like the idea that some day – some distant day – we could call planets other than this one home, we need to survive this one long before that happens.
The millionaires on NBC sticking it to billionaires. It’s fun to laugh.
It’s not a suspiciously rushed fad. It’s a few projects literally decades in the making. I still don’t understand the snark about this new opening up of space to civilians. This will be remembered as a historic time. But all you guys can do is throw snarky shade because billionaires. OK.
They don’t care about you either
Because it’s entirely pointless and every single one is a vanity project costing billions.
They could help fix things on this planet, but instead they are hell bent on leaving it and letting the rest of us die.
I have no problem with shitting on billionaires but Richard Branson does not actually believe he’s going to escape to space, nor is the planet going to become unlivable in his lifetime. These are goofy joyrides, not some diabolical supervillain scheme like so many people seem to semi-believe.
It’s pointless? SpaceX has launched 124 times putting satellites and experiments into space and brining astronauts and payloads back and forth to the ISS, mostly in re-usable rockets. And they’re doing the next moon landing. Something it would’ve taken NASA twice as long and billions and billions more in tax payer dollars. Blue Origin also now has re-usable rockets, has been putting experiments in space and is capable of satellite, payload delivery and crewed flight. They’re also developing a moon lander and ISS delivery system. Virgin Galactic now has a relatively cheap way to put satellites in orbit, do 0G experiments, and are on their way towards supersonic transoceanic passenger travel. Not to mention the tech’s military uses as a hypersonic cruise missile launch system. All of these breakthroughs came way faster and way cheaper than any government could’ve achieved. Oh, and between them they employ about 14,000 people.
“And they’re doing the next moon landing.”
Yeah, now imagine how amazing that would be if NASA didn’t already do exactly that FIFTY FUCKING YEARS AGO.
The goal of building private enterprise on top of publicly funded research and then selling it back to the public is pretty straightforward. But these aren’t “breakthroughs,” they’re incremental progress. The breakthroughs occurred through government funded research when the private sector was focused on oil and automotive. Virgin Galactic is especially flimsy, since ultra fast transatlantic travel is not a new thing (it just isn’t available right now because it wasn’t profitable), and the infrastructure for doing zero gravity experiments has been around for decades.
None of that is more important than fixing things here, which they could be spending their money and time on.And, 14,000 people? How is that some huge achievement?
…their billions.
Maybe all the money that they put into taking a half-hour cruise around space could be put to taxes instead so that NASA could make some actual scientific achievement.
If you just wanted to spend it on space anyway, this is a much more direct route.
NASA and a host of other counties space agencies are contracting these companies to put their experiments and satellites in space right now. At a fraction of the cost of them trying to develop this tech themselves. SpaceX in particular has put tons of research and comm satellites in orbit for NASA, NOAA and other space agencies since 2013 in their 124 successful missions.
“Students, observe carefully: no one who says things like ‘put this money to taxes’ knows what taxes are.”
“this new opening up of space to civilians”Eh hem. Yes they are civilians, that is true. Like in the sense that anyone can stay at the penthouse in the Four Seasons type of things. “ $45,000 a night, the Ty Warner Penthouse in the Four Seasons Hotel in New York City “But like a lot more.
They don’t pay taxes!
I definitely would go into orbit if I had a billion dollars. In fact, I entered Branson’s Omaze “charity” contest to try for a chance to. Of all the ridiculous things to do with a ridiculous amount of money, this is the one for me.
Why is opening space up to civilians* a) important and b) good? What is being achieved here? I keep asking this of people and I never get an answer beyond vague assurances about the march of progress and technological achievement. Almost like it’s an article of faith.*bored rich people motivated solely by saying they’ve been to space
This “civilians going to space” thing seems like it’ll be the new climbing Mount Everest for rich people.
And the thing is, it will only even be attractive to rich people as long as it is exclusive. The prestige is the only attractive thing about it. Once everyone can go, rich people will realise they’re shelling out for an uncomfortable, highly restricted, boring trip they can’t even brag about.
A guy barely going into space is historic? lmao
It’s historic because if people…get to go into space, then…umm…Destiny among the Stars?…Look, I was promised that everything would look like a 70s science fiction cover by now and I want my fucking moonbases and ringworlds and cool pew pew space battles, okay?
Hey um maybe they can dream that we’ll go to Mars in 50+ years, because it’s hostile to humans but we’ll pretend like it’s safe to go now.
I take a strict “you can’t have your dessert (mars colonies) until you’ve eaten all your vegetables (pouring their billions into addressing climate change so we don’t all suffocate to death by 2080)” stance.
“We’ve got inhospitable environments at home!”
At this point I’d settle for shiny jumpsuits that snugly cup my genitals.
I mean, I care way the fuck less about barely-space travel (or full-on interstellar travel) than, say, fixing our embarrassingly deficient and wildly expensive health care system.
I guess I’m a bit confused. Do we want market solutions to healthcare, or do we want the government to go from being hip deep to whole hog and just create a comprehensive universal healthcare program? I want the latter, and I think most progressives do as well, right? So what I want from billionaires is for them to pay whatever taxes we can actually manage to charge them, to abide by the regulatory scheme we roll out and to keep investing their money. The truth is these ventures mostly represent actual investment in actual businesses they want to grow.Virigin Galactic strikes me as a bit more of a vanity project, but even that will yield advancements in passenger flight in space and has created a lot of jobs for quite awhile.
Musk annoys me as much as any other sane person who doesn’t view him as “Daddy Musk” but Space X is clearly a genuine investment in commercial application that’s already provided practical benefits to society to a degree. As with Tesla, I may not like how he runs the company, but the fact remains that Tesla has put tremendous pressure on other automakers to step up their EV game and that’s a good thing.As best I can tell Blue Origin falls in the same bucket as Space X if maybe less successful. Bezos is annoying, but his space company is focused on figuring out the sort of space flight that NASA and other government agencies and other governments would want to use to launch satellites, experiments and even people out into space. Sure Bezos is using it as his own chance to get out there, but in the grand scheme of what Blue Origin is doing that sort of seems like a pretty trivial thing.
“But all you guys can do is throw snarky shade because billionaires.”
Yeah. THAT’s why, dickshit.
And trickle down economicswill be remembered as a historic idea. Straighten up your ascot and order a double.
Just leaving this here for you:
The only historic thing about it is that it was funded by one Billionaire as a demonstration of his own private enterprise. The first manned sub-orbital space flight was in 1961 with astronaut Alan Shepherd, which was, wait for it…. funded by the government and executed by NASA. The original mission was an actual achievement for science/engineering and American innovation. This was just basically an advertisement for Branson’s sub-orbital airplane tourism business. The government these days is giving more money to Bezos and Musk for their space ventures than NASA, which means space exploration is no longer supposedly a pursuit of public good, but a monopolized industry controlled by fewer people than you can count on one hand.
So, uh, rich people don’t pay taxes, huh?
Certainly not enough considering the shared resources they use to get rich.
Amazon had the tax code in Seattle rewritten to avoid paying corporate taxes. Not sure what Bezos does, but Steve Jobs, for example, received minimal salary so that he owed minimal income tax. Pretty sure Richard Branson does the usual British thing and resides outside the UK to avoid taxes. So yes, in short.
Bezos does the same. Has an on-paper salary of, like, 50k or some shit.
Wow, those two are really starting to show their ages.
“Won’t someone think of the dick waving SpaceBro billionaires?” ask a surprising number of AV Club commenters.
I’ve just learned to ignore them and not give them any attention. Makes the discussions on these articles easier
SpaceBros are people too. Loathsome, awful people.
Really? We’re still bleeping out “dicks”?
What have you been doing to them?
It’s okay, you can just write “we’re still shitting out dicks.”
Hey, watch your cocksucking mouth!
I’m currently watching Deadwood for the first time and trying hard to not let “cocksucker” enter my daily lexicon.
This worked better than it should have due to Amy and Seth just laughing and blustering their way through as neither of them cared. The whole “women aren’t there because they are fixing everything!!!” segueway felt like it was dropped in from 2015 though.
Interesting choice to combine the words “segue” and “segway” into one new Frankenword.
Boy, there’s nothing better than seeing the woman who shills for Comcast trying to remind us all about class consciousness.
She’s only rich enough to never have to work another day in her life, not rich enough to start a rocketry business. She’s practically one of us!
The sad part is that Bezos is so insanely, disgustingly wealthy that the income of Poehler and Meyers combined is closer to mine than his.
I cannot for the life of me figure out why normies are cheering on a billionaire taking a glorified plane ride.Humans walked on the moon and we put a robot on Mars! Call me when Branson or Bezos do some actual good instead of lighting piles of money on fire that could be used to better the planet all so they can stroke their very fragile egos.
I doubt Amy and Seth are paying a straight 37% on their taxes, either.
.
This segment was disappointing.
Hopefully the upshot of this is that Bezos et al will be the first to encounter, and be conquered by, the giant space ants, giving us forewarning of our incoming insect overlords.
is it really “fleeing” if they come back? also, what would they flee to? a barren desolate planet where nothing could live?