Since there's nothing else going on in politics, let's dig into the #Fartgate conspiracy
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Perhaps the most important week in 2019 American politics is happening right now. As you read this, the government and the nation’s people are gathered together, determined to get to the bottom of an unprecedented event that could rock the foundation of a country. That’s right: We’re talking about whether or not Representative Eric Swalwell farted live on camera last night.
The original document in this vast conspiracy—the flatulent Zapruder Film of 2019—is a tweet from Andrew Lawrence that shows the brief but momentous clip as it aired on MSNBC’s Hardball. In it, Swalwell, while talking about some other, less important topic, seems to rip a robust one and continue onward, undaunted.
Before we go any further, please watch for yourself—several times if necessary.
While this sure does sound like Swalwell blowing ass during a live broadcast, the powers that be have scrambled to cover up the situation in any way possible. The official Hardball Twitter account acted quickly, blaming the sound on a “mug scraping across the desk” and urged everyone to “get back to the news!” Hm. We think the Hardball doth protest too much.
Intrepid Buzzfeed News reporter Addy Baird got in touch with Swalwell himself, outright asking “if this was you or someone in the studio.”
Swalwell, as expected, denied (using a suspicious number of exclamation points), admitting only that the entire situation is “funny tho.”
He also replied to the Hardball tweet in Trumpian fashion, acting as if the mug theory truly clears his name and the stinky, stinky air that filled the nationally televised moment.
Obviously, the official line here is too simple to be believed. We all know what we heard on the tape and the internet will not give up so easily. The video continues to be analyzed and notes taken on minute details ranging from body language to audio hints.
Clearly, the eager excuses offered up by Hardball, Swalwell, and god only knows how many other shady actors, are not compelling enough to flush away this scandal.
The people need only to continue examining the video, graphing out sound waves, and comparing audio forms in home laboratories to get at the truth of the matter. The smoking gun—and the moment it, uh, loudly shot—was captured on a live broadcast and archived for view by anyone on the planet. It’s on us now to furrow our brows, squeeze together the divide splitting America in two, and, now that scandal is so thick in the air it’s as if our very nostrils are filled with it, band together and refuse to let the truth slip away on the wind.
[via Buzzfeed News]
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35 Comments
Let every fart count as a peal of thunder for liberty. Let every fart remind the nation of how much it has let pass out of its control. It is a small gesture, but one that can be very effective – especially in a large crowd. So fart, and if you must, fart often. But always fart without apology. Fart for freedom, fart for liberty – and fart proudly.—–Benjamin Franklin
We should also add that since he’s a republican, he’s a racist piece of shit.
Swalwell? He’s a democrat, he was running for president for a minute. He was in the first Democratic Presidential debate. Rep. stands for Representative, not Republican.
No, don’t stop him, I wanna see what dumb shit he’ll say next
“D-CA” = Republican?
you’re an idiot.
I’m not going to call you an idiot like others might…but I will say you should work on your reading.
Fuck off, retard.
Please don’t breed.
i think this is a great time to remind everyone that there are idiots every where, on both sides of the aisle.
We should have added the recommended reading level for this article to keep comments like this out.
Others have already pointed out he’s actually Democrat……but if he were a Republican, it would be more technically correct to say he was a republican because he’s a racist piece of shit.Your statement implies the cause and effect are reversed. You don’t join the GOP and suddenly transform into a chud. You start out that way, and then join the GOP because that’s who they work hard to appeal to.Or, as in this case, you join the Democrats for some reason. Turns out anyone can join any given political party, even racist pieces of shit. It’s just more likely that racist pieces of shit will go one way over another.
My, reading is hard, innit.
Impeachment hearings need to cease until this case is resolved. A special committee led by Jack Vale needs to be convened ASAFP.
Here are Jack Vale’s qualifications
The problem with that video is those are really fake sound farts.
As always, I’m on ‘Team Fart’
Here’s the Hardball desk. Dragging a ceramic mug across a glass or laminate surface is not going to result in enough friction to create a fart-like sound.
To be fair, Chris Matthews always looks like he is ready to poot.
And you know he’d waste no time hanging it on someone else.
And interrupt what the person was saying to do so.
Joseph Pultizer is turning in his grave… in order to let out a big, fat, nasty one.
It was actually the force of the big, fat, nasty one that flipped him over.
That gas has been building up for a LONG time.
Let’s get the Supreme Court on this. There’s well established precedent set in the landmark Smelt It v. Dealt It
That fart is the most intelligent thing to come out of DC in years.
There was a Second Farter.On the Assy Knoll.Back… and to the left. BACK AND TO THE LEFT!!!
I AM DISAPPOINTED IN YOU INTERNETS this should have been comment #!SHAME ON YOU ALL
If it were just a mug, Swallwell wouldn’t have paused for it.
It definitely sounds artificial, not natural, and much closer to what would have been in studio vs. whatever a boom mic could have picked up in a noisy congressional hallway. It practically supersedes his own voice. A boom mic wouldn’t exaggerate a fart over the voice of persons talking.
No way. This is Swalwell on the left.
He should’ve just owned it. “And if you think something stinks about this, it’s not just me.”“It was the best of times, it was the blurst of times.”“Excuse me, even my ass can’t hold in the laughter about how ridiculous this administration is.”
watch solving this somehow lead to catching epstein’s killers
Why #fartgate and not #fartergate? There. That’s my contribution to the internet for the day.
He denied it.Did ya’ll forget your childhood?He therefore clearly supplied it.
I fully expect Devon Nunes to insist the impeachment hearings be called off because of the alleged passing of gas by Swalwell as it clearly indicates there was no quid pro quo.