Sebastian Gorka, brow furrowed as he monitors world news for any further threats to Western culture on par with two cartoon animal men tying the knot, has identified a worrying blip on the horizon. The former Trump administration member and Fox News contributor—an unfortunate guy who just can’t help himself from getting unfairly associated with neo-Nazis over and over again—must have felt a twinge of electricity in the air when he rushed to his phone, found a drawing of Mario and Luigi kissing, and, hapless rube that he is, accused video game publisher Nintendo of “promoting incest.”
The mad, instinctual rush to address this supposed evil seems like the only way to explain why Gorka missed that he was calling out a Nintendo parody account making a dumb joke. Only his desire to censure the unchecked decadence of liberal values could provide rationale for why he, a trusted voice of the right wing, could take seriously an accompanying caption that reads “Happy #PrideMonth! Our staff is filled with people of all sexualities so we love supporting that.”
Gorka seems also to have missed the account’s pinned tweet, which further clarifies that it’s “a parody account made entirely for fun” and that people should “Please take nothing said on this account serious.”
Regardless, we’re glad that Gorka stands vigilant, ready always to sound the alarm whenever proper conservative values are called into question by some cartoon characters smooching each other. It’s because he’s so watchful that we can sleep comfortably at night, minds at ease with the knowledge that he’s trawling the depths of the internet, selflessly documenting whenever drawings begin turning children into Trotskyites through socially inclusive Arthur episodes or fake corporate accounts approve of incest by tweeting out video game brothers kissing.
We can only imagine what will happen to the poor guy when he discovers the world of Sonic The Hedgehog fan art.
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33 Comments
You guys should probably come up with something other than “Great Job Internet” to describe this because it’s really anything but.
How about “Anything Butt”
Yeah it’s more of a ‘Great job willfully obtuse dickbags’ type of thing…
I think it’s more of a ‘“Great job,” Internet’ in air quotes.
Twitter, you missed a few nazis in the last purge. Time to tent the platform and fumigate again, you know how fast those things multiply.
Is Gorka starting to look more like Penn Jillette or is it the other way around?
Actually, he’s the middle step between Paul Giamatti and David Costabile.
Actually Penn has lost a lot of weight recently, so Gorka probably sees an opportunity to move into the coveted loudmouth fatso spot in the public sphere. At least Penn was entertaining.
In that picture Gorka looks more like Penn post-weight loss, which is also when Penn apparently started dying his hair.
Nothing bothers Conservatives more than knowing other people are having fun with their genitals.
To be fair, you’d be bothered too if other people were having fun with your genitals without asking.I always make sure to write my name on a sticky note on the side of my genitals so no one can claim they didn’t know whose genitals those were.
Mario and Luigi are related? Or does Gorka think all Italians are one big family?
One thing’s for sure: He’s not convinced they’re white
correct me if i’m wrong but they’re known as the super mario brothers, are they not
Forgot about that. Wait, so his name is Mario Mario?
Yes, Luigi is Mario’s brother, hence the name Super Mario Bros. Their last name is Mario, so they’re Mario Mario and Luigi Mario. I wish I was making this up, but Miyamoto confirmed it. And that is officially the dumbest thing I’ve had to type this week.
To be fair, Miyamoto has gone back and forth on that. I remember him telling Game Informer, when they asked him about “Mario Mario” several years ago, that the brothers really didn’t have last names.
(And when he had to do that explanation/routine in the movie, I could see a bit of John Leguizamo’s soul dying.)
Hey, it’s only Monday.
It did lead to a great joke where Nintendo said that the protagonist of the ‘Legend of Zelda’ games was named Link Link.
If you were Sebastian Gorka you could say dumber shit than that on a regular basis.
And get paid speaking gigs! What a time to be alive.
His goatee makes his mouth look like a twat.
I think the words coming out of that mouth are what really makes him look like a twat.
It all fits!
Gorka also missed that the actual Nintendo account would probably spell Nintendo correctly in its @.
Every time I hear someone claim the right has the meme game mastered, I just remember how easily duped its thought leaders are by really easy shit like this and can only shake my head.
We can only imagine what will happen to the poor guy when he discovers the world of Sonic The Hedgehog fan art. That link is going to stay unclicked, thank you very much
I don’t care who people choose to have sex with…but when you go and ruin IPs you’re a f*kin faggot, gay or not.
“And now look at this! Pornographic images of My Little Pony characters! I mean, some of this stuff is pretty good. I’ll just take a closer look …” – Sebastian Gorka, probably.
The strap of his wristwatch needs some tightening up; everything else about him needs the exact opposite.
There are no good republicans. They’re all fucking scum.
I betcha 5 bucks Gorka has written a screenplay tucked away somewhere where he casts Steven Seagal as a thinly-veiled version of himself who kicks the asses of all those evil immigrants and gays. He’s obviously already been going to Seagal’s barber.
I just enjoy that he knows they’re brothers.